GĐXH - All children's problems can be found in their parents. If parents have these 8 habits, it will only make their children more and more rebellious.
Ukrainian educator Vasily Suhomlinsky once said: "Every moment you see your child, you also see yourself." Here are 8 actions of parents that make their children rebellious:
1. Try to control your child's impulses
In many cases, parents express their frustration by telling their child "not to do something," but the child will often do the opposite.
Children cannot always control their impulses. Self-control is a skill that is not fully developed in children.
Therefore, parents need to be patient in adjusting. When you are calm, you have time to think and give the most beneficial response for your child.
In many cases, parents express their frustration by telling their children "not to do something," but the child will often do the opposite. Illustration photo
2. Too much advice
In psychology, there is a term called the overshoot effect. This is a negative psychological state of a person, proving that too much stimulation for a long time or too strong stimulation will make the mind extremely uncomfortable and tend to resist and rebel.
In other words, the more parents advise their children, the lower the absorption rate and the less meaningful it is.
In the Chinese variety show "After School", there is such a mother and daughter pair. Wu Huan Ruo is a girl who is considered to be understanding and cute, has excellent academic performance, and is in the top 3 at school. However, her mother is still not satisfied.
To help her daughter understand that today's efforts can be exchanged for a better life in the future, she always urges her daughter.
Until one day, Ngo roared at his mother before slamming the door: "If you continue to push me like that, I will leave."
Hearing her daughter's words, the mother's face changed from surprise to helplessness. She really didn't understand why her mother's concern was exchanged for her daughter's anger.
"If you want to be a successful mother, you must remember the two words "silence". Once the mother stops nagging, the child will have 50% less trouble", an educator participating in the After School program later analyzed.
According to this person, children's rebellion is sometimes due to the disrespectful way their parents communicate with them. For children, saying it once is better than repeating it many times.
Too much advice is not a magic weapon for children to succeed, but it will cut off the closeness between parents and children, causing them to drift further away from their parents.
3. Help your child do everything
Children are human beings, they like to be independent and want their voices to be heard. Therefore, they often resist when their parents want to help them do something.
You should let your children do it themselves if they want to, make their own bed if they enjoy it.
This is the best way for your child to learn that he or she can make his or her own plans and become more independent.
4. Perfectionism
We all have different skill sets: some people can focus, others are careful or tend to be perfectionists.
Like a coin, all skills have two sides. For example, a perfectionist is good at work, but may have problems interacting with colleagues. Similarly, a child who is perfect in school, may be very distracted at home.
As parents, we must be able to distinguish the behavior a child is exhibiting at a particular moment, from his or her true nature.
You should identify unwanted behaviors to adjust your child, and at the same time not only let your child act that momentarily wrong. This will help your child avoid psychological trauma in the present and future.
5. Deny your children to expect them to try harder
American psychologist Seligma did an experiment: He locked a dog in a cage. When the whistle sounded, it was shocked with a low-power electric shock. The dog was shocked and wanted to escape, but the cage was locked so it could not escape. After many experiments, just the sound of the whistle made the dog start whining and trembling in the cage. Even when the cage door was open, it lost the ability to escape.
This phenomenon suggests that when people feel they have no control over what happens, they tend to simply give up and accept fate. This inertia can cause many people to miss opportunities to change or take action to feel better.
This effect also applies to child education. When parents easily deny children's abilities from an early age, they are more likely to give up when they grow up.
A famous blogger in China once shared a story about a child suffering from depression. When he returned for a check-up, the doctor saw the boy reading a book and praised him: "You are so diligent." The mother sitting next to him sarcastically said: "He pretends to be diligent." The doctor continued to praise the boy's progress in communication, but the mother scoffed at him. The doctor helplessly told the mother: "All of my efforts have been ruined by you."
“How many parents are constantly rejecting and belittling their children like this?” the blogger asked. He believed that even if the child was truly hardworking, it would be distorted by the mother into a falsehood. In such a dark and hopeless family environment, which child would not rebel?
In the children's book "Don't blame me, it's not my fault", author Jimmy Liao wrote: "Children would rather be pricked by a cactus than be mocked by adults. At least the scar can be seen to heal, but the wound caused by being looked down upon is invisible".
6. Don't let your child express negative emotions
Children experience the same feelings as adults, except they can't hide or suppress them. On top of that, children don't always know how to express their feelings in words.
That's why it's important to try to help your child find the right words to say. A good way to do this is to ask your child directly what's going on, as well as give them space.
Children experience the same feelings as adults, except they can't hide or suppress them. Illustration photo
7. Setting Inappropriate Boundaries
Boundary differences are often confusing to children. They don't understand why one day they get a sweet treat and the next day they don't, even if they did the same thing.
It is important to stick to the rules you set for a child, whether it is rewards or setting boundaries.
8. Comparing your child to others
Being compared to friends and siblings is a secret pain for many children. How many people, when they were young, longed for their parents' approval more than to hear compliments about others?
In the repeated comparison, the child goes from feeling guilty at first to feeling indifferent in the following times. Many children even deny themselves deeply: "It turns out that parents' love is conditional. I don't deserve their love if I'm not excellent."
And then children will think that in this world there is no one who loves them unconditionally, no one trustworthy enough for them to rely on.
Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler once said that comparison will make children lose confidence and hurt their hearts. Each child has their own strengths, so any comparison is lame. Parents should respect and evaluate their children's abilities correctly, not discriminate or belittle them. To encourage children, comparisons can be made, but in the right way. Parents should find their children's strengths so that they can discover their own potential.
True love for children is for who they are, not who they should be. When adults let go of preconceived notions and unrealistic expectations, and give children the space and freedom to develop, their potential is unleashed.
Source: https://giadinh.suckhoedoisong.vn/8-hanh-dong-cua-cha-me-cu-nghi-la-tot-cho-con-nhung-lai-cham-den-gioi-han-cua-tre-khien-chung-noi-loan-phan-khang-172241130103921069.htm
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