Parents' concern for their children, no matter how deep they are, must be restrained when they have their own families.
1. Continue to protect your child
As parents, we should act as guides on our children's development path, not as substitutes throughout the process.
The older our children get, the more we have to learn to let go so they can face the ups and downs of life.
A writer once described this relationship affectionately: " The so-called relationship between parents and children only means that parents sometimes have to watch their children's backs gradually disappear in this life. You stand at the end of the road, watch your children gradually disappear around the bend and tell yourself: No need to chase after your children anymore."
In real life, many parents support their children in daily life when they are young, then help them bear the pressures of life when they are adults.
For example, there was a recent news report that Kuang Zhengxuan, a 29-year-old man, was used to living off his parents, not only did he not go to work, but also asked for support all his life.
His father, a hard-working construction worker, eventually chose to kick his son out of the house when faced with his son's unreasonable demands.
Behind this heartbreaking ending is the mother's indulgence and overprotection of her child when he was very young.
We need to understand that care is to nurture family affection but over-intervention can become an obstacle to children's development.
Especially as children start their careers and family life, we should give them space to spread their wings freely.
At the age of over fifty, we should reflect on how to better perform the role of parents and how to find the balance between caring and letting go, this is life's wisdom and profound understanding.
Let's walk hand in hand with our child in the remaining years, but also keep a suitable distance so that each person can freely go their own way.
As parents, we should act as guides on our children's development path, not as substitutes throughout the process. Illustration photo
2. Help children with housework
When children start their own families, they are busy working and taking care of their own families. Therefore, they often ask their parents to help with housework or take care of their grandchildren, instead of hiring a service.
At this time, parents in their fifties and sixties once again become "parents of babies".
Grandparents also play the role of parents, busy with tasks such as cooking for the family, educating and taking their grandchildren to school...
Having grandparents take on the role of parents may be convenient for adults, but it is a disadvantage for children.
Because parents who do not directly educate their children will have little connection with them, they also do not understand the hardships of raising children that grandparents have gone through.
When children grow up and get married, it is a new family. Parents visit their children's homes as well as relatives. They should not "work too hard" and help their children in every way.
Filial children who truly care will let their parents rest, instead of working hard.
3. Don't make yourself homeless just to help your children.
Ms. Trieu (Nanning, China) is a typical example of this case.
At the age of 65, she should be living under her own roof with her children. But this woman was not so lucky.
Because she did not want her son to be at a disadvantage compared to his peers, she decided to sell her only house to save money for her son's family to buy a house.
She decided to live with her children for the rest of her life. However, things were not that simple.
Generational differences make it difficult for her living habits and outlook on life to be in sync with her children's.
Unable to get along, after a year of living together, Ms. Trieu decided to move out.
It was only then that she regretted her decision to sell her house. With no home left, Ms. Trieu was forced to rent a storage room in the apartment complex to stay temporarily.
Without a pension, she applied to work as a janitor in the building.
Whenever someone asks why she still has to work so hard at her age, Ms. Trieu often brushes it off and only says one thing: "Only living under your own roof will you feel comfortable. Don't make yourself homeless to save money to buy a house for your children."
Letting grandparents take on the role of parents may be convenient for adults, but it is a disadvantage for children. Illustration photo
4. Interfering too much in children's lives
There is a very profound point of view: " The best distance between parents and children is to maintain a distance of a bowl of soup".
Make a bowl of soup to send to the children, the temperature of the soup is just right, making everyone feel warm in their hearts...
Too close will be too hot, too far will be too cold, only the right distance can make people feel comfortable.
This principle should also be followed among family members.
Not interfering with children's choices is respecting children; not interfering with children's family affairs is protecting the family; not disturbing the distance is maintaining affection.
Truly smart parents know how to focus on their own lives and live a good life in their later years.
While you are still healthy, make an appointment with an old friend to travel, go to a far away place and see the big world, don't limit yourself to the trivial matters of life.
While the sun is shining, discover a new hobby, get physical, plant a tree, and enjoy the beauty of this moment.
The best state of a family is: Parents have the world, children are happy, care for each other, do not interfere with each other, often visit each other and love each other.
5. Help your children pay off their debt
Experts say parents need to distinguish clearly between helping and taking on responsibilities for their children.
When children develop their careers, parents should show trust and support. But when children lose money in business or have financial problems, parents should not take responsibility for the problem.
To help children overcome long-term difficulties, what parents should do is give them a "fishing rod" and show them how to use it to catch more fish, instead of giving them fish.
Parents should encourage their children to overcome difficulties, instead of taking on all the debt themselves.
Some older parents, because they love their children so much, use all their assets and savings from working to pay off their children's debts.
Children should understand that those assets are the spiritual support of their parents in their old age. If they are lost, their parents will not be able to manage.
Taking on debt can make children take it for granted that it is their parents' responsibility. This can lead to a dependent attitude and reliance on their parents whenever they are in debt.
Source: https://giadinh.suckhoedoisong.vn/sau-khi-nghi-huu-co-5-dieu-dai-ky-cha-me-khong-nen-lam-du-yeu-thuong-con-cai-den-dau-172250213100643898.htm
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