GĐXH - As parents, what we do around our children can leave lasting impacts, especially the words we say.
Dr. Jennifer Breheny Wallace (American) is an expert in the field of parenting, author of the book "Never Enough: When Pressure to Achieve Becomes Toxic and What We Can Do About It".
To complete the book, she interviewed many psychologists, researchers and surveyed 6,500 parents around the world.
She said the research process for the book inspired her to make a major change in her parenting style for her three children.
Parenting researcher Jennifer Breheny Wallace
Dr. Jennifer Breheny Wallace recognizes that words, big or small, can have a profound effect on a child's emotions.
Many times, parents unintentionally send negative messages about success, making children feel pressured and not fully loved.
Knowing this has made the expert more mindful of what she says to her children. Here are five phrases she never uses.
1. "How did you do on the test?"
Parents who are worried about their child's test performance or whether he or she will make the sports team often ask probing questions as soon as they get home, which risks adding to the child's anxiety, Wallace says.
So, there is one thing this mother never does with her child, which is to ask questions about the child's achievements right after he comes home.
"When my kids walk in the door, instead of asking, 'How did you do on your Spanish test?' what I say is, 'What did you have for lunch?'
I talk about things that have nothing to do with my child's achievements," this mother revealed.
There's one thing Jennifer Breheny Wallace never does with her kids: ask them about their accomplishments as soon as they get home. Illustration photo
2. "Your job is to study"
Gifted children are often too focused on themselves. Focusing only on personal achievement can make them selfish and limit their overall development.
However, children need to understand that value lies not only in academic achievement but also in the ability to contribute to the community.
Wallace recommends parents give their children a volunteer assignment, whether it's helping others or simply checking in with neighbors.
This helps children understand that there are more things, more ways to contribute to the community than just high grades.
3. "Have you received any notice from any colleges?"
One of Wallace's children is currently applying to colleges.
As a mother, Wallace says she tries to pay attention to how many times she and her daughter talk about college in a week.
Specifically, she follows the advice of psychologists, who recommend that parents limit potentially stressful conversations with their children to about an hour on weekends.
"If my son wants to bring it up, that's fine," Wallace said. "But from my perspective, as a parent, I'm waiting and holding my thoughts until the weekend. I want to enjoy my last year of living together and don't want it to be clogged with stressful conversations about college."
Every parent wants their child to be happy, but Ms. Wallace thinks that feeling can be misinterpreted and push children to be selfish and only care about themselves. Illustration photo
4. "I just want you to be happy"
Every parent wants their child to be happy, but Wallace thinks that feeling can be misinterpreted and lead to selfish, self-absorbed children.
“I know I am happiest when I feel valued and bring value to others. I want to pass that lesson on to my children,” the expert said.
So she often tells her children that she wants them to find opportunities to contribute to the community, not to become better than others, but to help others become better.
That is how we live a life of meaning and purpose.
Source: https://giadinh.suckhoedoisong.vn/4-cau-tien-si-harvard-khong-bao-gio-noi-voi-con-172250304151938586.htm
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