Why compare with 'other people's husbands'!

To keep the fire of marriage burning, husband and wife always need to be tactful in their words - Illustration: QUANG DINH

Not having time to finish the story, he took off his shoes, put on his slippers, got on his motorbike and drove home. He was afraid that if he was a little late, “his ears would be tired”.

Working two jobs to earn money is still criticized.

Working as a programmer, Mr. Hoa's income is quite good compared to the general level. Every month, he transfers almost all of his salary to his wife, keeping only 5 million VND for pocket money. When they first got married, everything was normal. Later, he felt uncomfortable and burdened because his wife often compared him.

“At first, my wife asked me why I gave her so little salary and if I kept any secret funds. She investigated for months and I felt more pressure than when I went to work,” he said.

Then, he discovered that his wife had read an article online discussing the salaries of IT workers. “My wife saw everyone boasting about salaries of $3,000-$4,000 or more than a hundred million VND, so she thought that everyone working in this industry received that salary,” he shared.

Mr. Hoa said he had to explain that the salary level in this industry is high compared to other industries, but the industry itself is also diversified. He confided: “Some people receive $5,000/month but others receive 15 million VND. Even though I am not in the group with the highest salary but at a decent level, she is still not satisfied.”

And every other day, his wife would lecture him about why people online who studied IT had higher salaries than him. Then she would turn around and say something like a pressure point: "Why can they do it but you can't?" She even doubted his ambition.

Hearing his wife say that, he also understood. They had not bought a house in the city yet, and were spending money on monthly rent. He felt "understanding" because if he did not try to increase his income, he would not be able to buy a house.

Under pressure, he went online and took on a part-time job writing applications for a client in Europe. During the day he worked for the company, and at night he sat there programming until 2am or 3am.

Because he works both inside and outside the house, Mr. Hoa has to stay up late and wake up early, so he has little time for his wife and children. During the summer, his wife would surf Facebook and see some of her friends posting pictures of them going to the beach with their husbands, so she would blame him: “You married a heartless husband. He didn’t take his wife and children anywhere during the hot summer.”

He sighed: "I thought I would sign the divorce papers right away without thinking. But I held back my anger."

Compare to change for the better?

As for the wives, Ms. Ngoc T. (31 years old, living in Bien Hoa City, Dong Nai) said that comparison is probably a woman's nature. In moments of calm, she realizes that she is also looking at other mountains from this mountain. But she still finds a way to "release" her frustrations and expectations of her husband whenever she has the chance.

She argued: “Only by comparing can we develop and improve. I have to compare because I am so impatient when I see my friends buying houses and land. Other people's husbands are getting promoted quickly, but my husband is very indifferent.”

The couple did not feel pressured to buy a house because the husband’s parents gave it to them. Both sets of parents had a steady income and did not have to support them, but she always felt insecure. She said: “Every time I go to the market, the prices skyrocket, I feel worried so… I transfer some of this worry to my husband.”

She said if she didn't compare and tell her husband things like "family A just bought a plot of land in an alley in Ho Nai", "husband and wife B just bought a car to take his wife out on the weekend", her husband wouldn't have the motivation to strive.

When asked if this method was successful, she sighed: “Even though I keep saying it every day, it seems like he is immune. I don't see any change at all.”

The vicious cycle of comparing other people’s husbands and wives… makes the atmosphere in young families tense. But this is difficult to resolve when the people involved are not satisfied and do not see the strengths of the other half.

Men also implicitly compare "this mountain, that mountain"

When asked whether men compare like women, Mr. Quoc Vinh (37 years old, from Tien Giang) answered yes. But according to him, when he started to approach the age of 40, his group of friends started to compare.

“It is not true to say that men do not compare, but they do it secretly and do not complain like women,” Vinh laughed.

Source: https://tuoitre.vn/vi-sao-so-sanh-voi-chong-nguoi-ta-20241117103501994.htm