Parenting experts share at the seminar
Lack of concern for parents' mental health
The seminar "Learning to be proactive parents" took place in Ho Chi Minh City on August 12, attracting many experts and families with young children to attend. Here, Master Nguyen Minh Thanh, a PhD student at the Catholic University of Louvain (Belgium), said that Vietnamese parents are facing difficulties in three main groups of problems, respectively related to children, family relationships and especially the parents themselves.
"The leading professors who are instructing me have said that the programs on child-rearing and parenting skills that are considered the world's top today focus too much on the child. They instruct parents on how to positively discipline and manage children's behavior, especially those with behavioral problems. However, they ignore the parents' problems and pay little attention to the parents' mental health," Mr. Thanh analyzed.
Master Nguyen Minh Thanh (right), PhD student at Catholic University of Louvain (Belgium)
According to psychologists, there are factors that increase stress for parents, even making them feel unhappy in the process of raising children. "Currently, experts are researching a new concept called 'regret after giving birth', which refers to parents who, after giving birth and raising children, feel regretful, wishing they didn't have children so they could return to single life," said Master Thanh.
Explaining the story of regret after giving birth from a social perspective, Master Pham Nguyen Ngoc Nguyen, co-founder of Care Cube, sees that East Asian culture makes parents relatively stressed and lonely. "There are also cases where parents come to me and confess that they wish they had not had children, the reason is that they always feel guilty because their children are not as happy as other normal children," Ms. Nguyen recalls.
Master Pham Nguyen Ngoc Nguyen, co-founder of Care Cube
Parents also need psychological "first aid"
From a professional perspective, Master Nguyen Hong An, Director of the Psychology Program at Hoa Sen University, said that becoming a parent is the longest journey but often requires the shortest preparation time. Not to mention, if parents do prepare, they can only consider the first 5 years of their child's life at most, while children at each stage have different behaviors. "The preparation process is never enough, but parents will be the ones who understand their children best if they spend enough time and love," Mr. An shared.
Master Nguyen Hong An, Director of Psychology Program, Hoa Sen University
Master An also advised parents that instead of "holding" everything to themselves, they can seek out four other sources of support when facing difficulties in the process of raising children, which can be grandparents, friends, the internet or experts. "When working with experts, parents need to note that change will come after a certain long process, not just overnight," Master An added.
Master Ngoc Nguyen stated that before being able to support their children, parents must first receive psychological "first aid". Accordingly, parents need to realize where their stress and anxiety come from, and what causes their "lens" to perceive the problem as more negative than it really is. "Dialogue with children is also important to help parents resolve difficulties," Ms. Nguyen noted.
Parents ask questions to experts at event
According to Master Nguyen, being a parent is a lifelong commitment and parents need to trust their children and discuss that trust with them. "A principle that parents can refer to is 3R, which means respect, related, and realistic," Ms. Nguyen shared, and advised fathers to actively participate in the process of educating their children.
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