According to previous studies, there are surprising reasons behind common conflicts in mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships.
The following content is translated from an article by Dr. Madeleine A. Fugère - Professor of Social Psychology at Eastern Connecticut State University (USA), where she teaches courses on Social Psychology, Statistics,...
Researchers believe that the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law originates from the evolutionary history of mankind. Illustration: People
My friend Renee recently married the love of her life, Byron. All of Renee's friends and family love Byron, but Byron's mother doesn't like Renee. And this has put a strain on their marriage.
According to a 2015 survey, many women reported having strained relationships with their mothers-in-law. This situation got me thinking: Is it true that mothers-in-law really dislike their daughters-in-law? And if so, why? The real reasons behind this conflict are quite surprising and may be rooted in our evolutionary history.
You may not be the "chosen one"
Why did you choose this person as your life partner? Physical attractiveness? Creativity? Intelligence? Sense of humor? The traits we value in a life partner are not the same as what parents value when choosing a daughter-in-law/son-in-law.
We tend to prioritize traits like looks, interesting personalities, or a sense of humor, while parents are more concerned with family background, finances, or religious or ethnic similarities.
Because of this difference, we may choose someone that our parents do not like. This may lead to initial dislike from the husband's family and it is very difficult to change that.
you are so attractive
One of the biggest conflicts between children and parents in choosing a mate involves physical appearance. We value these traits because they help ensure that our future children will have good genes. However, parents have good reason to object to their children's overly attractive mates.
According to evolutionary theory, women who are more physically attractive than their partners tend to think more about leaving the relationship and are more interested in alternative partners. Meanwhile, men who are too attractive may be less inclined to invest in or care for future children.
Therefore, when you are too attractive, your mother-in-law may have doubts or concerns about possible future risks. This leads to her unfriendly behavior towards her daughter-in-law.
Mother-in-law unconsciously discourages long-term relationships
If you asked Byron's mother if she wanted her son to have a stable, long-term relationship, she would probably say yes. But evolutionarily speaking, men may not be programmed to prioritize long-term relationships.
According to evolutionary theory, men and women have different optimal mating strategies to ensure their genes are passed on to the next generation.
Biologically, the ideal strategy for men may be to have many short-term relationships with different women to maximize the number of children. Meanwhile, the best strategy for women is to find a mate who can provide long-term support and care for children.
A mother's interference in her son's relationships may be an unconscious response to help her son "spread his genes."
Some maternal interventions may even be intended to undermine their sons' marriages, according to a 2015 study.
Direct competition for resources and attention
Historical evidence suggests that when multiple women give birth at the same time in a household, infant survival rates may decrease due to increased sharing of food resources. Conflict between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law may have arisen from this competition.
These conflicts are less common today, but mothers-in-law may still feel like they are competing with their daughters-in-law for their sons’ time and attention. Some studies have shown that older women are at higher risk of abandonment if they have a poor relationship with their daughters-in-law. Mothers may worry that they will be ignored by their sons and daughters-in-law.
How to reduce conflict?
Researchers who study mother-in-law conflict offer several ways to resolve the issue. Apostolou advises that the best way to handle conflict is to convince your in-laws that you are a good partner by showing concern and love for your husband.
If you are not married, spending more time with your future husband's family before the wedding can help improve your relationship after marriage.
However, if conflict persists, you must put your marriage first: People who feel supported by their spouses when conflicts arise with their families tend to have happier marriages.
* The names of the characters in the article have been changed.
Source: https://giadinh.suckhoedoisong.vn/tien-si-my-ly-giai-dieu-bat-ngo-phia-sau-mau-thuan-me-chong-nang-dau-172250221234444804.htm
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