Children studying abroad, parents still worry about every meal, afraid that their children will meet bad friends.

What to do when your child goes to study abroad is analyzed by experts in the program - Photo: HIEN ANH

In the forum, Dr. Bui Tran Phuong, author and journalist Tran Thu Ha, and many parents discussed the controversial issue: what should parents do when their children go to study abroad?

According to Ms. Thu Ha, she is in a group of parents who discuss their children's preparation for studying abroad. All issues from where their children study English, how far they have prepared their visas, etc. are all discussed by the parents.

However, when their children study abroad, their parents start to worry. Some cry for days. Some have to be hospitalized and given IVs.

Children study abroad, parents supervise like at home

Even Ms. Thu Ha once fell into a silent crisis. When flying abroad to visit her daughter, she thought she would spend time visiting other countries, but in the end she had to postpone it because the mother and daughter had a big argument. Her daughter welcomed her with an angry face, while her mother was confused because after 4-5 hours of flying, she saw her daughter again but she was not happy at all.

When she returned home, she also worried about what her child ate today, whether the food was "healthy", whether her child played well with friends, why her friends had so many tattoos, wore revealing clothes...

The more mothers know, the more worried they become. Many call their children 7-8 times a day, or make them video call to monitor them. Parents don't need to look, just hearing their children walk around makes them feel secure.

Dr. Bui Tran Phuong also recalled the story of her young son who had problems when he first went to study abroad. The day she had to go to the airport to return to Vietnam after taking her son to school, that afternoon she waited forever for her son to return from school.

She panicked and asked the landlord and the school, demanding to call the police. However, the landlord was still calm: "My country is very safe". She thought to herself, "How can it be safe when my child hasn't come home from school yet?"

Even when she passed by the bridge and saw a boy about her son's age standing there, she insisted on getting off because she thought he was her son.

A few hours later, the son returned. It turned out that the bus stopped at a different station, so he was reluctant to pay the bus fare so he waited for the bus to come back. But the bus made a long circle and returned after several hours. She realized that she had not "trained" her son how to ride the bus, and that her "overdoing it" was meaningless.

She recalled that her mother used to say, "Learning to cook is easy, learning to read is hard, so you should focus on learning to read." However, when she went to study abroad and craved braised pork but didn't know how to cook it, her mother wrote her a letter showing her how to cook it. She cooked it once or twice and it wasn't good, but now she is the best cook in the world for her husband and children.

Mom's words helped me know what I like, and to be there for others when they really need me, instead of always depending on others.

Worrying about children studying abroad, parents are tired, children are also suffocated

Always running after children, worrying about unnecessary things and forgetting yourself.

When seeing their parents "hiding" them too tightly, children also feel tired, trying to hide their difficulties in a foreign land so that their parents worry less.

Many fathers and mothers who attended the talk were also confused when their lives were spent solely on their children. Ms. Thu (living in Ho Chi Minh City) shared that when her child went to study abroad, she felt hurt when her child "ignored" her. Her whole life she took care of and focused everything on her child to the point of neglecting herself.

Seeing her stressed, her friends encouraged her to go out, learn yoga, learn to dance, but she couldn't do it because she had never done it before. Since childhood, she had no hobbies other than taking care of her family.

Parents discuss enthusiastically about the topic of how to care for their children after they have studied abroad - Photo: HIEN ANH

According to experts, when children do not contact, it means everything is fine. All skills are learned by young people through social networks, so parents' concern may be meaningless. Parents should let their children be free, and when they need help, they should be ready to become their friends and support.

As children grow up, parents need to learn not to bother them and only appear when their children need them.

Parents also spend a lot of time on their own hobbies. Many parents do not even dare to go to the theater or watch movies alone, but spend their time worrying too much.

Remember, you and your children have your own lives.

When children leave the nest (study abroad, get married, etc.), parents also need to learn to be independent, not clinging to them, making themselves miserable. When parents are happy, their children are happy, and can confidently spread their wings in a new land.

Source: https://tuoitre.vn/con-du-hoc-phu-huynh-van-tran-troc-lo-tung-bua-an-so-con-gap-ban-xau-20240302155912538.htm