Men are scolded by their wives, willing to endure domestic violence

Sometimes men who are influenced by traditional concepts will think that they are the stronger sex, must be the pillar, must be the most important person to decide everything... Those pressures need to be removed by men themselves - Photo: NAM TRAN

Men are victims of domestic violence, who to call?

Accept mental abuse

According to a recent report by the Minister of Labor, War Invalids and Social Affairs, in 2023 the number of cases and victims of domestic violence will decrease, but the proportion of male victims will show signs of increasing.

Men are victims of domestic violence, mainly psychological violence. In fact, many men who are victims of violence are resigned and afraid of being discriminated against, so they do not report it. Most think that it is "normal, it is embarrassing for the man".

MT, 36 years old, working for a company in Linh Trung (Thu Duc City, Ho Chi Minh City), confided that since getting married more than 5 years ago, he has been living under constant pressure because his wife nags and curses him frequently. Many days, as soon as he comes home from work, his wife is upset and curses him about everything.

"She is not satisfied with anything I do. Life is already hard, a worker's monthly salary is only enough to cover living expenses, rent, food and raising children in school, so there is not much left. She always criticizes me for being incompetent, useless, and making a big deal out of everything, but I just keep quiet and ignore it," said Mr. T.

Mr. T. said that because he wanted to keep his family happy, he always put up with his wife and did not want to divorce so that his children would have both parents. In addition, he rarely confided in others about family matters because he was afraid of bad rumors.

"My friends who work with me sometimes say they have been in similar situations, being scolded and nagged by their wives because of their low income. Many people just have to endure to keep their family happy, even turning to alcohol and beer to relieve stress," Mr. T. confided.

Mr. M. (65 years old, Hanoi) even had to go to a mental hospital for examination because he was always depressed and upset due to his wife's constant scolding. He shared that he used to work as a freelancer, but when he got older, he had no income from working. Meanwhile, his wife is a retired commune civil servant and has a pension according to regulations.

"Since I retired, even though my children provide me with monthly living expenses, my wife always complains, even using insulting words, saying that I do nothing and depend on my wife and children. Because I am bored, I often go to the neighbor's house to "take refuge", minimizing the time I spend with my wife. But she doesn't forgive me, if I do something that doesn't please her, she will curse me badly," Mr. M. said sadly.

At the hospital, Mr. M. was diagnosed with severe depression and suicidal thoughts. Doctors had to treat him with psychological intervention and pharmaceuticals.

When subjected to long-term violence, many men will feel pressured and no longer want to stay in that house, leading to a broken marriage. In addition, their temperament changes, becoming more hot-tempered and irritable, leading to a series of consequences.

Master of Psychology Tran Quang Trong

Domestic violence is more than just physical violence.

Speaking with Tuoi Tre, Dr. Ngo Thi Thanh Huong, a psychiatrist at the Institute of Applied Medical Technology, said that men today are increasingly under psychological pressure, especially gender prejudice.

Gender stereotypes make people implicitly understand: "Men must be strong, must be the pillars of the family, must take on great responsibilities. These "default" things put men under great pressure. And if they do not achieve the above, they will have to endure judgment from everyone or from their relatives and partners. And with domestic violence among men, it is not only physical violence, beatings but mainly mental violence," Ms. Huong shared.

According to Ms. Huong, men's psychological expressions are not the same as women's. When women encounter problems, they can choose to share and talk to others to relieve them. Men, on the other hand, often endure because they think that men must be strong and not complain.

Talking to Tuoi Tre, Master of Psychology Tran Quang Trong - Department of Clinical Psychology, Le Van Thinh Hospital - said that domestic violence is not only physical violence but also mental violence through words and speech. When men are subjected to mental violence for a long time, it can lead to many different mental disorders. The most typical is stress and tension due to having to regularly interact, eat, live and work in the family every day.

Need to find the root of the problem

According to Mr. Trong, to solve the problem of domestic violence, we need to find the root of the problem and solve it from the person being abused and the person doing the violence.

Wives should openly share the pressures and problems they encounter with their husbands so that both can listen to each other, sympathize and find the best solution. Men should reduce work pressure, spend more time with their families, and participate in social activities...

Ms. Huong also believes that when facing mental problems or frequent stress in relationships, couples should consult an expert for timely support.

Source: https://tuoitre.vn/dan-ong-bi-vo-chui-cam-chiu-bao-luc-gia-dinh-20240621224405263.htm