USA - Both William and My Linh were annoyed by their partner's bad habits, but after holding a "year-end review conference", they both realized that the other was their perfect half.
In 2019, My Linh moved to the US to live with her husband, William Gregg, 40 years old. Although they had agreed on many terms of married life before getting married, the young couple were still shocked by the cultural and lifestyle differences when they moved in together.
My Linh is always frustrated with her messy husband. "When he comes home from work, he takes off his clothes and throws them away, grabbing one piece from each place. I have to pick them up all the time," the 26-year-old girl from Lam Dong said. Every time this happens, she has to remind him loudly, but he doesn't change.
Because she had just arrived in the US, My Linh focused on studying and had not yet started working. Besides going to school, she stayed home to do housework, cooking and waiting for William to come home from work. "Normally, when he has time off, he can wash dishes and hang clothes out, but he never helps me cook or cook anything for me," she said.
Being in a strange land, having no friends and being far from her family made My Linh feel lonely and sad. William was also not happy when he had to remind his wife every day not to wear pajamas outside or to keep her distance from strangers when lining up at the supermarket. "If you stand too close, people will feel threatened," he told his wife. One bad habit William noticed in My Linh was that she often reached up to talk to the cashier when they were busy paying for the person in front of her.
"I felt embarrassed because everyone looked at her, even at me, but no matter how much I told her, she wouldn't change," William said. He encouraged his wife to study and get a driver's license so she could travel independently. My Linh was shy and afraid of causing an accident, so she refused. But what her husband feared most was that his wife would scream loudly when she was angry, even though he reminded her, "If you do that, people will think you're arguing." He was also upset that his wife would throw her makeup in an uncovered trash can after removing it, causing the room to smell.
Although the couple loved each other, they saw each other's flaws everywhere. My Linh felt resentful and hurt, unable to adapt to her new life. Not long after arriving in the US, she asked to return to Vietnam alone, but William refused. "I thought he didn't love me anymore, so I was even sadder. I cried every night," My Linh said.
Frustrated, the Vietnamese girl just kept quiet. Although he loved his wife, William did not know how to solve the problem when he did not know the cause. The marriage fell into a deadlock.
Finally, he encouraged My Linh to speak out: "I am your husband but not your brain. I am a doctor but not a psychologist, and even if I were a psychologist, I wouldn't understand my wife."
William and My Linh on a beach trip in 2023. Photo: Linda
After that, William discussed with his wife that at the end of each year, they should sit down and write down the things they were not satisfied with each other to review. My Linh agreed to take out a pen and paper to "criticize" her husband. After hearing his wife's list, William explained that it was not that he did not want to help her in the kitchen, but that he wanted her to be free to prepare dishes that suited his taste.
"Since you just arrived here, you might not be able to eat the American food I cook, so I let you take the initiative in the kitchen. From now on, if I have time off, I will help you in the kitchen or cook for you," he analyzed. He also admitted his mistake for leaving his clothes messy and promised to change.
As for not letting her return to Vietnam, William said that this was the period when My Linh needed to adapt to life in the US, so if she returned to Vietnam not long after, it would be very difficult to get back into the rhythm. Furthermore, he did not want My Linh to return home alone.
"I'm busy and can't go home with her. If she goes home alone, people around her will think her husband abandoned her, which is not good for My Linh and her family," he said. When she heard her husband's analysis, My Linh realized that he was thinking of her so he did that. She began to open up more.
My Linh admitted that the things her husband found unsatisfactory about her were true and promised to gradually improve. That day, William took his wife to buy a trash can with a lid for My Linh to put under the dressing table and a laundry basket next to the washing machine for William to put in after changing clothes. The two of them went into the kitchen to cook a meal together, including both Vietnamese and American dishes.
"When we both tried to change according to that 'review', we felt satisfied and understood each other better, so we decided to maintain it every year," My Linh said.
In the second year, William often had to stay at the hospital until noon the next day. He wanted his wife to have dinner ready on the table before he came home so he could go to bed early. My Linh explained that she wanted her husband to have a hot meal so she would wait until he got home to reheat it. She told him that next time, before getting in the car to go home, she would text her to let her reheat the food.
She also told him to throw the toothpick in the trash after using it and not leave it somewhere else so his wife wouldn't know if it was used or not. They agreed that when they went to bed, if one person put down their phone, the other would stop using it.
After two years, when they understood each other and truly wanted to be together, the two decided to have a child as agreed before the wedding. When Cu Bin was born, My Linh only wanted her husband to change one thing: not wearing shoes in the house to avoid spreading bacteria and affecting the baby. William wanted his wife to stop giving gifts and money to her mother-in-law.
"That's the only thing my husband and I couldn't agree on during our two years of marriage," My Linh said, citing the cultural differences between East and West as the reason. Since moving to the US, she has given gifts and money to her mother-in-law on every holiday, such as Christmas or March 8. However, William believes that My Linh's actions will make her mother-in-law sad, because she thinks her children think they can't take care of themselves.
"Mom will find a way to pay us back. You're just making her feel worse," said the American husband. But My Linh wanted to express her gratitude to her mother-in-law so she still gave her a gift.
William takes care of his wife and newborn son at the hospital, mid-2023. Photo: Linda
She and her husband live separately, and every year they visit her husband's parents for a few days during Christmas, so they rarely have time to talk. To know if she did the right thing or not, when her mother-in-law came to stay with her for a month to visit her grandchild, My Linh asked her: "Does it make you sad when I do that?"
Mrs. Veronica Gregg admitted that at first she was shy about receiving gifts from her daughter-in-law. But every time she saw her daughter-in-law texting her, "Don't be shy, Mom. You've raised my husband for 18 years. Thanks to you, I have my husband now." She was touched and proud to have a loving daughter-in-law.
"I think that if your father dies first, I will still have you to love and care for me," she said. At that moment, My Linh asked her mother-in-law to explain to William so that he would not have to worry.
Currently, William sees that his wife no longer has anything that bothers him. He is happy because she always tries hard every day to adapt and achieve her goals in work and life. My Linh has a driver's license, is familiar with American culture, although she is still shy when interacting with strangers. In particular, she has completely stopped nagging, practiced breathing to calm her anger, and then gently communicated with him. My Linh also sees that her husband has almost no flaws when he always knows how to listen and change for the common happiness.
"As husband and wife, the most important thing is understanding. Therefore, if you want to cultivate and maintain happiness, you must often sit down and talk to each other, and make an effort to change for each other," My Linh said.
Instead of annual reviews, now, whenever they are not satisfied, they can freely express it to their partners.
Pham Nga - Vnexpress.net
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