Seagull's Wings - Short story by Le Nhung

I stopped the car a few steps away from Hai Au, remaining silent not because I didn't want to talk but because I couldn't find anything to say. Hai Au was very light, if her entire front was not pressed against my back, I would have thought she hadn't climbed into the back of the car.

- Let's go - she said softly, her voice choked in her throat.

I turned the throttle and headed out onto the main road. After a few hundred meters, I turned right at the first intersection. After a few hundred meters, I turned left at the second intersection. At this point, the car entered a rather narrow alley.

- Let me know when it's coming!

Last night’s rain had left the area damp. The water couldn’t drain, forming murky puddles and white trash floating like fishing buoys.

illustration: tuan anh

- Right in front, where there is a pot of bougainvillea.

I slowed the car down and stopped in front of a small house. Hai Au got out of the car and just stood there staring at the wide open door. I walked over and gently touched Hai Au's shoulder. She looked up at me with desperate eyes, her pale lips trembling.

The nurse greeted us with moderate enthusiasm. She gestured for me to sit on a bench in the corner, then led Hai Au around to the back room. Left alone, I looked around. The facility was old, the walls were painted light blue but time had stained them yellow. There was the sound of metal clanking against each other and the murmur of people talking inside the door.

There was a water dispenser over there, but I didn’t want to use the clinic’s cup so I tried to quench my thirst. The clock on the wall slowly ticked away. Closing my eyes, I looked deep into the chaos inside me. I wasn’t dreaming, it was all real, I had brought Hai Au here to abort the child in her womb. The pregnancy seemed to be more than three months old. I must say right away that I wasn’t the author of it. So how did I end up here? It was a long story. I would review it again while waiting for Hai Au to walk out of that door. It might take a while, but by then everything would be over, and I would have temporarily put my burden down.

I met Hai Au less than a year ago, through Toan, a friend from college. Toan's house was in the suburbs, mine was in the inner city. We studied at the same private college. After four years of studying without much diligence, with many times of skipping classes and paying off debts, we both graduated with good degrees. Knowing for sure that I could not make a living with my training, my father asked for me to work in the photo studio of Quang, my mother's younger brother. My job was to edit and crop photos using specialized software installed on the desktop computer. The computer was old but ran quite smoothly, except for the times it suddenly went on strike, making me sweat while waiting for the files to be exported, mentally preparing to do everything from scratch.

Actually, I did not like this job, but in front of my parents and uncles, I wisely hid my true feelings. Gradually, I found joy in that old-fashioned photo studio. The joy did not come from the buttons and shortcuts, from the aspect ratio and light angle, but from the customers. They were couples taking their children for family photos, children taking their parents for souvenir photos, students taking ID photos for their profiles, officials and employees taking ID photos for their resumes...

Looking at their radiant faces while erasing age spots, freckles and moles, I realized that even though I was living in the beautiful youth, I would never have such a radiant look. It seems that only after going through the storms of life can one appreciate and cherish the small joys in life.

Without an enterprising father and a generous uncle like me, Toan had to fend for himself. After graduating, he interviewed for a job as a waiter at a restaurant in the city. Starting as a day laborer, hard-working and tactful in communication, Toan became a full-time employee half a year later. On free days, we would go out for coffee and Toan would tell me some interesting stories about that luxurious five-star restaurant. Because of Toan's storytelling talent, I suggested that he start a blog to share these experiences, but Toan refused.

The total salary and tips Toan receives from his monthly waitering job is almost double what I earn. Yet I am neither jealous nor ashamed. Listening to Toan tell stories about the quarrels and tricks between chefs and waiters, between this manager and that manager, I feel as bored as a patient who has been sick for a long time and is tired of traditional Chinese medicine. I only like the unfinished bottles of wine Toan brings home, which are high-class wines distilled in French wine cellars, with labels printed with fancy words; the color of the wine is darker than blood, sweet and astringent, with a gentle aroma, taking a sip is like taking in the whole world. Toan said that this wine would be twice as delicious if sipped with beef steak, but unfortunately he could eat it secretly at work but could not bring it home for me.

Despite his decent income, Toan lived simply and frugally. He had lived alone in a boarding house since his student days. It was a cramped but not dark place, the rent was relatively cheap, and it was as hot as a furnace day and night. Hai Au had rented a room in Toan's boarding house last year. She and a friend from her hometown had come to the city to find work. Being sociable, Toan quickly became acquainted with two girls. Both were pretty and gentle. Toan had his eye on Hai Au and flirted with her; he intended to give the other girl to me.

At first, I did not find Toan's suggestion attractive, until he showed me the photo of the girl, then I was convinced. Unfortunately, before I had a chance to approach her, Hai Au's friend moved to a remote suburb. So while Toan had Hai Au to keep him company, I was still alone. But I was not sad about my lonely situation. I am an innate optimist, in loneliness and miserable circumstances I always know how to filter to find joy.

Hai Au worked as a waitress in a cheap restaurant. Whenever I visited their boarding house, I drank Toan's wine and ate the greasy pork chops Hai Au brought home. Of course, wine with pork chops wasn't as good as beef steak, but for someone who was easily satisfied like me, it was already a delicacy.

The three of us had been friends for almost a year, during which time I had always been careful with Hai Au and vice versa. The two of us sat on two ends of a seesaw, with Toan being the balancing axis; the relationship between me and Hai Au, metaphorically speaking, was exactly like that. Then one day the axis between us collapsed. Toan was an ambitious and ambitious person. Two years working at that five-star restaurant had equipped him with the necessary skills. At the end of this year, Toan would move out, say goodbye to Hai Au, and fly to an island city in the Southwest, where he would climb the ladder to a higher level in his career.

So it was just me and Hai Au left. At first I felt terribly awkward, I didn't know how to maintain this relationship and planned to stop seeing her. But then something unexpected happened. Two weeks after Toan left, I went to the boarding house to collect the things Toan left behind, most of which were valuable. When I passed by Hai Au's room, looking through the open door, I saw her sitting there crying. There are many reasons for a girl to cry, not knowing what they were and not wanting to guess, I pretended not to see and planned to leave. At that moment, Hai Au raised her head, looked straight at me with tearful eyes. So I brushed everything aside, took off my shoes and walked into the room to sit with her.

Hai Au said she was pregnant with Toan's child, she had only just found out. I asked her if she had told Toan, she said yes and he advised her to abort the baby. Toan transferred the money needed for the surgery, he knew he should be with her at this time, but it was impossible, work was at a critical juncture, he could not leave his post for even an hour.

I felt dizzy like someone with motion sickness. Calming down, I took out my phone to call Toan. Hai Au stopped me, she cried and said it was all over, if I was her friend, I would never mention her to Toan, and never mention Toan in front of her. I hung up the phone and asked her what she was going to do next. Hai Au was silent, she didn't say anything more until I left, but the next day she texted me an address and asked me to take her there. That's why I'm sitting here now.

Hai Au came back faster than I expected. Her face was pale, her forehead and the sides of her nose were covered in sweat. The nurse behind me looked at me meaningfully. Anticipating that she would be looked at with such expressions, I carefully ignored her and helped Hai Au into the car. Worried about Hai Au’s health, I wanted to call a taxi, but she assured me that she was fine.

I thought Hai Au would need some time to recover from the surgery, but she seemed much better than that. A week later, Hai Au was happy again. Two weeks later, she announced that she was returning home, she hated this city so much, it was so promising but also full of uncertainty and danger.

The day Hai Au left the city, she asked me to take her to the bus station. While sitting on the bench waiting for the departure time, she turned to me and said, looking very embarrassed:

- The last time I asked for help more or less affected your reputation. But you have to understand that I was too confused at that time, so consider it as me owing you a favor.

- What happened? Why can't I remember anything?

Hai Au laughed, leaned forward and put her arms around my neck, hugging me tightly. Her newly washed hair had a faint orange scent. I didn't hug her back but let my arms hang down, unnecessarily serious.

It has been more than three years since we broke up. I really did not want to keep in touch with Hai Au, but on New Year's Day, she still sent me greetings via her social media account. During our short conversations, Hai Au invited me many times to her hometown, which is a remote midland town, about eighty kilometers north of the city where I live. I did not find this invitation attractive, so I typed a few promising sentences and continued to forget about her. However, at the end of this year, during a family trip, while sitting and admiring the gray hills in a cafe perched on the top of a steep slope, I realized that I was very close to Hai Au. Whether I wanted to see her or not was entirely up to me.

After a moment of hesitation, I picked up the phone and texted Hai Au to ask if I could stop by her house. The message arrived quickly, and she welcomed the visit more than expected. So I asked the owner to rent me a motorbike. Once I had a vehicle, I let the bike down the slope, leisurely cruising around the winding roads. It was the change of seasons, and the scenery was tinged with sadness but full of charm.

Just as Hai Au had said, her house was on a gentle hill, a wooden house with a mossy tiled roof, with a hedge of blue pea flowers in front of the yard. It was past noon, the sun was shining obliquely on the wooden walls. The sunlight was slanting through the trees, casting silvery patches on the ground. Hai Au came out to greet me, she was wearing a simple outfit, her smile was still as beautiful and gentle as ever.

We sat on the porch drinking green tea. Looking around, we could see herds of cows grazing on the other side of the slope. It was not yet afternoon but there was already mist. The scenery was so hazy, even Hai Au here was as hazy as in a dream. In the half-real, half-illusory feeling, suddenly there was a child's babbling, then from inside the house a little girl trotted out, whining and reaching out to Hai Au, asking to be held.

- My daughter - Hai Au smiled and told me after placing long kisses on the baby's cheeks.

- So...

I could only say two words before giving up. Where did the smoke come from, making my eyes water. I rubbed my eyes, picked up the cup and drank a few sips of tea, the clear yellow liquid, fragrant and bitter, lingering on the tip of my tongue. Hai Au held his daughter in his arms, the child looked at me with wide eyes, smiling widely, showing her baby teeth.

- Where is your mother? - I asked Hai Au while looking at the child.

- Went to the district. Bought warm cotton clothes and vegetable seeds.

- The pace of life here is so peaceful. The scenery is also beautiful, an ideal place for relaxation.

- But back then I was bored with this scene, I only liked the bustling city. It's strange that in the middle of this vast mountainous area, my mother named me Hai Au. Maybe that's why I wanted to fly far away?

- Who doesn't like to travel when they are young?

Hai Au bowed her head and sighed, her hands clasped together in her lap. Perhaps meeting me had awakened painful memories in her. For a moment, I regretted coming to see her. But when the thought passed, I was pleased to be face to face with her after so many years apart.

- Neither you nor your mother could overcome fate. When she was young, your mother fell deeply in love with someone. That love did not work out and she became pregnant with you. Is that a curse, a destiny for you and me, and later... your daughter...

- Don't say that! I don't believe in fate. This child must live an independent life, he will choose and decide his own destiny, under the guidance of you and your mother.

- Right? - Hai Au laughed, speaking to the child in a caressing voice - Please forgive me, why did I talk about my daughter's life in such a tone. I'm such a bad mother.

I silently watched the mother and daughter of Hai Au, the sky in the highlands in the afternoon was filled with mist and smoke. In the dark and deserted house, the pair of chili lamps on the altar flickered on and off. Someone called out, the cry echoed across the hillside, spreading quickly and fading in the desolate space. A sadness from somewhere seeped into my heart, like a corrosive solution, it gnawed at every fiber of my flesh, making me suffocate. The girl in front of me was like a small seagull, a seagull that did not soar in the storms of the ocean but in the storms of life. Will there be a peaceful island for seagulls to fold their wings and rest?

Source: https://thanhnien.vn/doi-canh-hai-au-truyen-ngan-cua-le-nhung-185250405184128758.htm