Children are often cited as the reason why adults try to maintain a marriage that they know is failing. Everyone wants their children to have a complete family so that they can develop healthily and comprehensively, physically, intellectually and psychologically. Parents who had a sad and traumatic childhood due to their parents’ divorce are even more determined to keep a home with both parents for their children, even if it is no longer a true home.
But children today are very different. Changes in many aspects of social life make the way young people view their parents' divorce different from the past. Many children even think that their parents' separation is the most suitable solution for everyone to have a better life.
My female colleague once had to take a day off to comfort her niece who was suffering from her parents' deadlocked marriage. Although her parents always tried to pretend to be okay in front of their children, at the age of 9 or 10, the little girl was smart enough to realize that they were not happy, knew that her mother often cried her eyes out or got mad with anger at her father's promiscuous behavior, knew that her father looked down on her and criticized her mother for only being good at spending money and shopping...
Many children think that their parents' separation is the most suitable solution for everyone to have a better life. (Illustration: Dcomply)
Many times her parents argued behind closed doors, thinking they could fool her, but she still heard them, and also knew about the times her mother and friends hunted down the "third party" to fight for her husband's jealousy.
The girl tried to talk frankly with each person, but the father denied it, saying “children don’t know anything” and refused to discuss it further. When the daughter asked why she didn’t divorce the father, the mother said that she would try to endure for the sake of the children, hoping that when the children grew up, they wouldn’t forget her heart… She had no idea how much that message weighed on her daughter’s soul and caused her pain.
And when the clip of her mother beating her up in jealousy went viral online, the girl felt devastated. She buried her head in her aunt's lap and begged her to convince her parents to divorce to end the torment: " Why don't they leave each other, auntie? I don't want my mother to suffer all her life because of me. If my mother and father divorce, both my family and my sisters will suffer less."
The author of this article also thought that good parents must maintain their marriage until their children are adults, until he accidentally overheard his child and his friends talking about divorce. It turns out that children today have a very open view on this issue. For them, divorce is not the end of family happiness.
“It’s okay, as long as they still love me and they’re happy,” my daughter’s 8th grade classmate shrugged after she was told her parents were getting divorced, looking sad but not devastated or miserable. Her best friend nodded, “Yeah, I think you’ll be fine, my cousin was the same, he was sad at first but then he said, since my parents divorced, everyone has been less stressed.”
Another case of a child who desperately wanted his parents to divorce that I know of is my old neighbor, who lived next door in an old-style apartment building. I often heard the 10th grade boy crying and screaming: “Mom, leave Dad, Mom, forgive Dad, Mom, write a divorce petition!”
The man of that family was caught cheating many years ago and was forgiven by his wife. But for the wife, forgiveness only meant not asking for a divorce, and for all these years she had never forgotten her husband’s sins, constantly reminding him, nagging him, and using them to manipulate and “rule” him.
A toxic atmosphere pervaded the family most of the time. The wife constantly scolded and bullied her husband, acting like a tyrant while constantly complaining about her fate.
The children feared their mother and pitied their father, but the slightest hint of defense from their mother made her reaction even more terrifying. She scolded and cried as if her children were complicit with her sinful husband in isolating and tormenting her.
The children were resigned, but as they grew older, the eldest son began to react strongly and often screamed uncontrollably as described above. Sometimes, the boy confided to me that what he most desired and expected was for his mother to divorce his father, because his father would never dare to do that.
Unfortunately, parents rarely listen seriously to truly understand their children's thoughts and wishes regarding their marriage. They assume that their children cannot accept the separation of their parents, not knowing that for them, parents who are unhappy and hate each other are much more frightening.
Perhaps children today look at life in a more philosophical, simple but essential way: What they aim for is a feeling of joy and happiness, not a "home" that exists only in name.
Source: https://giadinh.suckhoedoisong.vn/nhung-dua-tre-tha-thiet-mong-bo-me-ly-hon-172240626083114819.htm
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