I work hard to grow flowers and vegetables to keep myself busy - Illustration: KN
More than 3 years ago, when I first got married, I moved to the South to live near my husband. While having to change my familiar living environment, I was shocked in my marriage and fell into a state of sadness, depression and did not want to do anything anymore.
To reduce the "input" pressure for myself, I quit my job earlier than planned (I'm still preparing for another job that I like better, but if it weren't for that "shock", I wouldn't have quit my job).
I started developing a new habit: growing flowers and vegetables.
For more than a year, my mind was only focused on growing flowers and vegetables, and I was diligently learning new knowledge. Thanks to that, there was very little room in my mind for negative thoughts about marriage.
Because I was so devoted to growing flowers and vegetables, my flowers and vegetables grew very well at that time. I was also very happy to see the results of my work.
Pleasure helps to forget and relieve, not necessarily heal
Gradually, as I got used to married life, I realized that the problem was often not my husband, but me. I realized that it was not what my husband did, but my thoughts, my assumptions about his actions that made me feel hurt, suspicious or afraid.
From now on, whenever I feel something is troubling me, I tell my husband instead of getting lost in my thoughts and speculations.
I know people who have turned gardening into a career as a gardener because of its “healing” benefits. For me, gardening is just a temporary activity that helps me heal.
Through the knowledge about healing that I have learned, besides gardening, there are many other activities that can help people heal, such as writing, exercising, rowing, climbing, dancing... These activities can bring us joy because when we participate in those activities, we focus our attention on the activity and forget about our sadness.
This is an example of the law of substitution in psychology: To give up something, we must replace it with something else.
But can these activities really heal us?
First of all, it must be affirmed that these activities bring us joy, help us temporarily forget our grief instead of burying ourselves in grief and becoming depressed. When we concentrate, we temporarily stop thinking about the things that make us sad. The more time we spend on our favorite activities, the less time we spend "chewing" on our grief.
But those activities alone are not enough to truly heal us. Our pain is still there, it is just temporarily dormant while we are absorbed in our favorite activity. But as soon as someone or something triggers an old memory or an old person, the pain comes alive, making us ache as if we had just been hurt.
When do we know that our pain is truly healed?
According to American teacher, author, and motivational speaker Louise L. Hay (1926-2017): "Only when we forgive others can we begin to heal."
In his book The Four Agreements , author Don Miguel Ruiz asserts the same thing: "Forgiveness is the only way to heal wounds."
According to Don Miguel Ruiz, we need to forgive others and ourselves.
Forgiveness helps us release pain, it is an action we do for ourselves, for ourselves, not for others, for others.
From my experience, I understand that healing is a personal job for each of us, only we can heal ourselves.
Have you ever wished to be healed? Do you think that the sharing of "wanting to be healed" by young people on social networks is just for fun or reflects their true desire? Please share your opinion to the email address [email protected]. Tuoi Tre Online thanks you.
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