Shared space lost

Family meals are gradually disappearing as parents are caught up in the whirlwind of making a living, children are caught up in the whirlwind of studying and extra classes, and the warm, intimate sharing spaces between family members are gradually disappearing.

FAMILY MEALS…LET OTHERS TAKE CARE OF IT

"Eat to live, not live to eat," said Mr. VH, residing in Binh Chanh District, Ho Chi Minh City, when many people were surprised that his family has been eating on their own for a long time, and that members have not gathered to eat dinner together in the evening. Mr. VH said: "Both husband and wife are busy, working from morning until late at night, the children go to school all day, and in the evening they are taken to extra classes from one place to another; if the whole family gathers at home at 8 p.m. and then starts to take out vegetables, meat, and fish to cook, it will be night before we can eat dinner. Each person in my family has their own taste, there are many dishes that I like, but my wife doesn't want to eat." His family's choice is that whoever comes home first eats first, takes care of their own meals, and on weekends off, they go out to eat together, or order food online, which is more convenient.

Warm family meals when members participate in cooking and cleaning together

Two months ago, during an interview with a female shipper in her 50s, a single mother in Binh Tan District, Ho Chi Minh City, I asked her: "You work all day like this, how do you feed your daughter at home?". She replied that she eats anything, sometimes bread, sometimes sticky rice. As for food for her child (in 7th grade, not attending boarding school), there are several delivery apps on her phone and the shipper takes care of it. The shipper delivers breakfast, lunch and dinner. There are days when she comes home from work at 9 or 10 pm, and her daughter is already asleep. "I work from dawn to dusk, worrying about rent, school fees, and a hundred other things, I don't think about cooking and eating with my child. My child has to understand me," she sighed.

Mr. Do Dinh Dao, Principal of Nguyen Huu Tho High School, District 4, Ho Chi Minh City, also admitted this reality after many conversations and discussions with parents of students. Mr. Dao said that many students confided that their parents were busy working, so they ate at work, while the rest of the students were given money by their parents and had phones, so they could order whatever they wanted to eat and the shipper would deliver it to their door.

DO N'T INDUSTRIALIZE FAMILY MEALS

"It doesn't have to be a sumptuous, high-class meal, but home-cooked or bought meals, parents sitting down to eat with their children, will have its own meaning. Meals at home are the ideal time to connect family members, for students, parents, and grandparents to sit together, share joys and sorrows of the day; children tell their parents what makes them worried and concerned. But because of the pressures of life, the pressure of parents to make a living, many families unintentionally lose this connection," Mr. Dao shared.

Teacher Dao once discussed with parents at the beginning of the school year that life is full of ups and downs, everyone is struggling to make a living, but he hopes that parents can pay more attention to their children's spiritual life. It may be busy 5 days a week, but parents should try to arrange 1-2 sessions so that the whole family can sit down and eat together. All parents are tired from working all day, but everyone should try a little bit, how can parents talk more with their children so that they are less lonely and uncertain. At school age, children have many worries.

"Parents cook, children help, from here children learn life skills, self-service skills, know how to help dad install a light bulb, fix a broken faucet... These things seem small but are very useful when children grow up and live their own lives. No matter how modern life is, we should not industrialize family meals," Mr. Dao told parents.

MEALS WITHOUT MOBILE PHONES

As a mother and educator, Ms. Pham Thuy Ha, Principal of Dang Tran Con Primary School, District 4, Ho Chi Minh City, said she felt very sad when she saw many middle and high school students sitting on the back of their parents' motorbikes, hastily eating a loaf of bread in the morning, or a lunch box in the afternoon to rush to review centers and prepare for exams. Many senior students could not have dinner with their families because they were busy with extra classes. They ate something to go to school, then returned home at 9-10 pm.

Parents cook, children help, from here children learn life skills, self-service skills...

According to Ms. Ha, although life is busy and everyone has many worries, in order for children to develop comprehensively both physically and mentally, family members need to try a little harder. For example, if the whole family cannot sit down to eat dinner together every night, then in the morning, the father or mother can try to wake up earlier, cook breakfast, and encourage the children to eat. The whole family can have breakfast and chat with their children at the beginning of the day. Or when possible, the father or mother can prepare dinner early in the morning, so that when they come home from work in the afternoon, they can cook dinner faster, in time for the children to eat before the evening class.

"Eating meals together is very important. When eating, parents can be closer to their children, listen to them talk, observe whether they are sad or happy to understand their feelings. In particular, children need quality time with their parents. Parents should set an example, do not hold or scroll through their phones while eating so that their children can follow suit. Put down your phone, focus on the current meal, pay attention to the story your children share and express, so that your children see that parents value the time they spend with them," Ms. Ha shared.

The meaning of "family meal" should be expanded.

According to expert Tran Thi Que Chi, Deputy Director of the Institute for Educational Sciences and Training (IES), family meals are especially important and must be respected. During meals, family members gather together to share stories of the day, from work, study to personal issues. Family meals are when children can feel listened to and cared for when parents ask questions or share their thoughts.

At the same time, according to Ms. Que Chi, during meals, children and parents have the opportunity to relieve the pressures of the day.

Ms. Que Chi believes that in the context of a rapidly developing society and the explosion of technology like today, not maintaining family meals due to parents and children being too busy can lead to a lack of connection, lack of communication in real life, increasing conflicts and seriously affecting the mental health of members. Gradually losing family meals means losing the shared space in the house, which will lead to consequences such as lack of communication and misunderstanding; increased pressure and conflicts between members.

"The world is changing rapidly, but family meals - the moment when the family sits together - should be maintained. Because when something negative happens, the most vulnerable and easily affected group is children. They do not have enough courage, experience, or physical and mental development to face the pressure of society. They can only rely on their families. So, if their families cannot give them refuge, are not safe for them to share and confide, who else can they share with?", Ms. Que Chi asked.

At the same time, according to Ms. Que Chi, "family meals" should not only be understood as everyone in the family eating together during the main meals. It should be understood in a broader sense, that all members gather together, eat a snack, drink water, and chat with each other. It can be just a breakfast before everyone goes to work, or late at night, when the whole family has finished work, sitting together to eat a piece of cake, fruit, and drink tea to chat. The important thing is to create a safe, fun, and happy space for children and family members.

Source: https://thanhnien.vn/nhieu-hoc-sinh-them-bua-com-gia-dinh-khong-gian-chia-se-bi-danh-mat-185241209183924973.htm