After many years working in the field of child psychology, Michele Borba, a parenting expert and author of famous American books, found that perseverance is the most effective soft skill in helping children become more successful in life.
Similarly, research by Angela Duckworth, a psychology professor at the University of Pennsylvania (USA), concluded that perseverance is a key factor in determining a person's success more than intelligence or innate talent.
A child's ability to persevere is one of the important factors for success. Illustration photo
The professor has conducted numerous studies on the psychology of success, including observations and analysis from her own life. In 2013, she won a MacArthur Excellence Award for her research. That same year, she also gave a widely-read TED Talk and published a book on perseverance - a key factor in determining success.
Professor Duckworth believes that external opportunities or innate talent are one thing, but how you use it, how persistent and hard-working you are is another story. Most successful people in this world do not rely solely on innate intelligence. They go further than others simply because they have spent more time and practice more persistently than others.
The most obvious example Duckworth gave was the United States Military Academy, also known as West Point - which trains elite citizens, outstanding leaders with rare skills and qualities - applying the most rigorous and rigorous training program, requiring perseverance and endurance to promote the ability and success of students.
Sharing with Business Insider, the female professor also said: "The appeal of the 'X' factor, or the 'genius' factor, is still constantly sought after and praised by everyone. But if you only think like that, you are limiting yourself. Maybe my 10-year piano practice process did not help me become Mozart. But at least I persevered to be better than I was 10 years ago. In other words, innate intelligence is important, but only persistent practice can help yourself and your innate ability go a long way."
Psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour, author of the book Untangled, also rates a child's ability to persevere as one of the factors for success. You can't protect your child from all the bad things in life, but you can improve it by teaching them to persevere.
Experts suggest ways parents can help children build perseverance.
1. Eliminate factors that discourage children
There are four factors that discourage children:
Fatigue: Protect your child's ability to concentrate by sticking to a regular bedtime routine. Turn off devices an hour before bedtime and keep them out of your child's bedroom.
Worry: The pressure to succeed can be overwhelming for children. Show your child that your love is not dependent on their performance.
Value your child based on achievement: Instill a growth mindset so your child understands that success is not a given. Praise your child for his or her efforts, not the outcome.
Set expectations higher than your child's ability: Setting expectations slightly higher than your child's skill level can create excitement and effort, but expectations that are too high can cause anxiety, while expectations that are too low can lead to boredom.
2. Always be there but don't do it for them
One of the benefits of persistence is that it helps children cope with problems when you are not around to help, such as at school. Being empowered and having to figure something out for themselves helps children learn more.
However, letting your child take the initiative does not mean leaving them to it. You need to observe, support and encourage them. If you are not there at the time, you can ask your child during dinner or before bed, advising them on how to do better next time.
Your goal is not to be a shield, doing it for your child, or correcting him if he makes a mistake. For example, if your child is learning to make a salad, you can set up a chair to make him taller, move the tools down to within reach, etc., instead of doing it for him.
3. Be a role model
Let your children see that you always try your best and never give up even when things get difficult. Before your children start a task or job, encourage and motivate them by saying: " I will persevere until I succeed" . Always set an example for your children, this is the teaching method that many parents are applying.
One of the benefits of persistence is helping children cope with problems when you're not there to help. Illustration photo
4. Teach your child that mistakes are opportunities for growth.
Remind your child that mistakes are not always negative, but sometimes they are opportunities for them to develop better. Accept your child's mistakes and say, "It's okay. The important thing is that you tried."
You should also admit your mistakes. This will help your child realize that everyone makes mistakes and that success happens when you don't let failure define you.
5. Encourage creativity
According to psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck, when you teach children that intelligence can expand and grow, they will be more motivated in school and strive to do better.
When children persevere in solving a problem, they will discover new ways of doing things. To train a child's creativity, scientists advise parents to organize some simple games that are related to life. For example, when a toy is broken, ask your child to make a similar one from Lego, cardboard boxes, etc.
6. Find the right activity
Create conditions for your child to find his or her own interests, passions or natural talents. Do not force your child to follow your interests, because this will make the child feel discouraged and want to give up.
If your child likes drawing, ask if he or she would like to take an art class on the weekends. If your child likes sports, don’t be afraid to take him or her to the gym. Try to get your child interested as much as possible. However, you should pay attention to guiding your child’s interests to age-appropriate interests.
7. Break down tasks
Teaching your child to break down large tasks into smaller, more manageable tasks will help them feel more confident when they complete one. If your child is overwhelmed with homework, have him or her list the assignments on a sticky note by difficulty or length. Then work on each task one by one.
8. Create a realistic look
You can't teach perseverance without letting your child know what they really have. This doesn't mean telling your child, "You're not good at drawing, do something else."
Instead, you can explain to your child the concept of "talent" or "innate", thereby gradually guiding them to a more realistic view to choose another field. Perseverance only makes sense when pursuing something feasible and suitable.
9. Nurture your thoughts
Success always comes from hard work and training, not from luck, money or genetics. Therefore, try to guide your children to believe that good results are due to effort, avoid letting them hear statements like "It's all about luck" or "It's all about luck".
Guiding your child from a young age will help them reduce the intention to give up and work harder. Instead of just sitting passively but still expecting good results to come to them.
10. Celebrate small victories
Repeated failure can destroy perseverance, but the smallest success can encourage children to keep going, so help them identify their small victories.
For example: Last time you spelled 6 words correctly, this time you spelled 8 words correctly. When you work hard, you are making great progress.
11. Look on the bright side
Optimism is an important factor in building perseverance, especially when the child fails. You should remind them that the most important thing is not what they did wrong but what they will do next.
For example, a child really wants to join a dance team to perform but is not selected. In this case, you can encourage your child to cheer on his friends, learn good moves to improve his skills.
12. Help children control their behavior
According to many studies, helping children develop the ability to control their own behavior from an early age will help them have a more correct view of all issues in life. In addition, there are other positive outcomes, including the ability to earn money when they grow up, have savings, and physical health.
At the same time, controlling behavior also helps children have a resilient spirit, know how to resist temptations in society and make more efforts in all aspects of life.
13. Prolonged concentration
If your child wants to give up on an assignment, set a timer and allow for a time that suits his or her concentration level. Explain that you only need to stick with it until the bell rings. Then your child can take a break and reset the timer.
Encourage your child to see how much he or she can complete before the bell rings so that he or she can see that he or she is succeeding. Over time, focusing will become easier.
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