“You scratch my back” and “You scratch my back”

So, please let the column "Chatting about words" know whether the two versions above are synonymous or different in meaning, and if they are different in meaning, how are they different?

Thank you very much.

Answer: “You scratch my back” and “You scratch my back is my back” are two sentences that exist independently and have different meanings.

1. “Tit for tat”

“Tit for tat” refers to a relationship based on the principle of mutual benefit; both sides must respond and care for each other’s interests, similar to “He gives the ham, she gives the wine bottle”, “Give the rice cake, the aunt gives it back”, “Give the rice cake, the aunt gives it back”, “Give the rice cake, the duc cake back”.

A “give and take” relationship is a transactional, fair relationship, and it cannot be formed or maintained if one of the two parties does not meet or violates that principle.

It is not for nothing that seven dictionaries we have in our hands have a separate section for “tit for tat”. Here are some examples:

- Vietnamese Dictionary (Hoang Phe editor - Vietlex): "give and take - treat well the person who has treated you well.

- Vietnamese Dictionary (Nguyen Nhu Y): "give and take - Exchange, treat equally, on the basis of mutual benefit".

- Vietnamese dictionary (Le Van Duc): "give and take - bt. To give and take with each other, as it should be, to owe favors and repay them".

- Dictionary of Vietnamese idioms and proverbs (Vu Dung group): "give and take: There is a reciprocation when enjoying something in a relationship; To be full, to have a past and present".

Here we would like to cite some illustrative texts for "Tit for tat":

- In an article titled “Tit for tat!”, Nhan Dan Newspaper stated: “Speaking at a press conference earlier this week in Tehran, President Pezeshkian stated: “If the US and some European countries fulfill their commitments, we will also comply with the agreement. If they do not, we will not do it either.” (Nhan Dan Newspaper - 2024).

Accordingly, if A does not "give", then immediately B will not "give back".

- “Mr. Trump and his supporters make a very simple argument about reciprocal tariffs: if American companies are subject to tariffs and other trade barriers when selling their goods to another country, goods from that country entering the US should also be subject to corresponding tariffs.” (Mr. Trump’s “reciprocal” tariffs threaten the global economy - vneconomy.vn - 2025).

As written above, the phrase “You give me back, I give you back” is similar to “You give me a ham, I give you a bottle of wine”, or “Give me some rice cake, I give you back some rice cake”, “Give me some rice cake, I give you back some rice cake”, “Give me some rice cake, I give you back some rice cake”, “Give me some apricot, give me some plum”,...

The following text will demonstrate this:

“According to Mr. Chiem, if we want sponsors to support football teams, localities must also have policies to create favorable conditions and incentives for them, because doing business requires profit! With the motto “you have the pig’s feet, she has the wine bottle”, many localities such as Thanh Hoa, Quang Ninh, Hai Phong... have sought to call for investors to invest in football clubs instead of having to use the provincial budget to support the teams”. (Nghe An Newspaper - 2017).

It should also be noted that “give and take” is also used as an idiom, referring to a relationship that is purely for the benefit of both parties, not stemming from affection or kindness towards each other. For example: “They just come together to give and take. Once they no longer benefit each other, you go your way, I go mine.”

2. "You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours"

If “Reciprocity” refers to a relationship based on the principle of mutual benefit (without goodwill and responsibility from one side, the cooperation or relationship will immediately stop or cannot take place), then “Reciprocity is mutual satisfaction” gives advice and experience in behavior: If someone does something good for you, you must also respond appropriately and thoughtfully for that relationship to be good and lasting. Accordingly, if we replace the sentence “Reciprocity is mutual satisfaction” with the context of some of the documents we quoted from the press in section “1- Reciprocity”, it will be unreasonable.

Thus, “Give and take to satisfy each other” is not a principle, a condition set in advance and forced, requiring both sides to respond immediately like the saying “Give and take”, but on the basis of voluntariness, understanding in behavior, and long-term treatment of each other. The fundamental difference here is the phrase “give and take to satisfy each other”. That means that one side can “give” but the other side does not, or rarely “give back”, then the relationship is still established. But if that continues to happen, over time the relationship between the two sides will fade, or one of the two sides will feel dissatisfied, not to the point of ending immediately like a relationship based on the principle of “Give and take”.

Man Nong (Contributor)

Source: https://baothanhhoa.vn/co-di-co-lai-va-co-di-co-lai-moi-toai-long-nhau-243388.htm