Crisis in parenting, parents should use "HELP" method

However, when negative emotions rise, parents need to be more alert and calm to handle the situation properly, helping their children develop better.

Two American pediatric psychologists, Tammy Schamuhn and Tania Johnson, have jointly developed a psychological and behavioral adjustment method that can help parents overcome difficult situations in the process of raising children. The "HELP" method is implemented in 4 steps: Halt - Empathy - Limits - Proximity.

Halt: Pause

When your child does something that makes you angry, before you react, stop for a moment and ask yourself: What is the reason for this action of yours? No child wants to be a bad child in the eyes of his parents. So why did he do something that he knew would make his parents disappointed and angry?

Every child wants to please their parents, but there are limits in children that need to be understood. Children are not yet mature in thinking, and their emotions are not yet stable, so they often cause things that make their parents tired.

In addition, children's unstable attitudes and behaviors are a type of signal that parents need to "decode". Behind the problems children cause and the mistakes they make, there are needs and desires that have not been met, or skills that parents have not taught them.

For example, if you see your child constantly causing problems, depending on their age, you need to "decode" the real problem they are facing. Maybe your child wants to play and relax more, needs more attention, or is stressed because of study pressure...

Parents need to see the real problem behind their children's erratic behavior. The older the child gets, the more convincing parents need to teach them. This requires parents to pause their immediate reactions when their children cause problems. Parents need to calm down and think carefully before talking to and teaching their children.

Empathy: Understanding

At the beginning of the conversation, parents need to help their children feel that they are cared for and listened to. Parents' understanding and listening are very meaningful to children. Parents should focus on listening to their children and make eye contact with them.

Parents should also express their understanding and sympathy for their children's thoughts and feelings. After the child has finished speaking, parents should summarize the most important points to ensure that both parties understand the issue correctly.

Parents should not be quick to judge or criticize the feelings their children express. Their actions may be problematic, but their feelings should be respected. Their comfort and trust in sharing their inner feelings with their parents are very important.

Parents should pay attention to talking less than their children, because talking too much will make children afraid. Parents need to control their emotions when talking to their children. If you find it difficult to stay calm, take a deep breath, respond slowly, and even pause for a few beats to calm down.

Parents need to see the real problem behind their children's unstable behavior (Illustration: PNG Tree).

Limits: Limits

Psychologist Tania Johnson gives an example of an incident that occurred at a family gathering. She had about 20 relatives over for dinner. Everyone had agreed to order food from a Chinese restaurant. When the food arrived, Tania’s son threw a tantrum, threw his spoon, and screamed because he didn’t like the food.

Setting boundaries quickly is essential to stabilize the situation and guide your child toward more appropriate behavior. Dr. Tania used the shortest, simplest sentences possible to acknowledge her child's feelings, making her understand that she was wrong and that she needed to behave differently.

Dr. Tania said: "I see you are very upset, you don't like these dishes, right? However, you are not allowed to act like that: throw the spoon, scream. You can tell me that you don't want to eat and ask permission to leave the table early, or you can ask me to quickly prepare another dish for you."

When Tania finished speaking, her son burst into tears. Tania knew he would need some time to calm down. She took him to his room and sat with him for a while to calm him down.

In addition, she hugged her child, showing her that after the unpleasant incident, her mother still sympathized and loved her, so that when she calmed down and returned to everyone, she would be able to integrate more easily. It was Tania's way of handling things that saved the family meeting from falling into tension and awkwardness.

Proximity: Proximity

After parents have set disciplinary limits for their children, they may beg their parents to change their decision and loosen the limits. If parents are adamant about not changing, children may appear miserable, disappointed, and have negative reactions. However, at this time, parents should not give in to their children's wishes.

Psychologists advise parents to be firm in their decisions around the disciplinary limits they set for their children. Adhering to these conventions will help children gradually learn to control their own attitudes and behaviors. Self-control is a very important skill for children to grow up.

To help your child calm down and become happy again, parents need to create a sense of closeness with their child after setting disciplinary limits for them to follow. Parents' closeness and affection after a stressful event will help soften the situation, soothe the child's emotions, and make it easier for them to accept and comply with disciplinary measures.

According to CNBC

Source: https://dantri.com.vn/giao-duc/khung-hoang-khi-nuoi-day-con-cha-me-hay-dung-bien-phap-help-20241101091838610.htm