It is natural for children to care for their aging parents, but that does not mean they have to sacrifice their happiness and marriage, and the companionship and care of their children.
"Raising children so that they can take care of you in your old age" is the wish of many elderly people. In families with children, when parents reach old age, even if the family can afford to hire a babysitter, for the elderly, the most suitable person to take care of them is the person closest to them, that is, their children.
When the elderly are healthy, the relationship between parents and children is equal. However, when a parent is sick and needs the care of their children, over time, along with many external factors, it is possible that both sides will find it difficult and conflicting.
Why, no matter how filial children are, should not take care of their sick parents for a long time alone? The reason is very practical.
01
Ms. Dung has an older brother, her mother used to live in her brother's house, however, her mother often called her, crying because her brother and sister-in-law did not take good care of her. After the sister -in-law found out, she immediately took her mother back to their old house, Ms. Dung had no choice but to quit her job to go back to her hometown to take care of her mother.
Everyone says that daughters are always more thoughtful than sons. At first, after her daughter came to take care of her, Dung's mother always listened and cooperated very well with her daughter. However, as time passed, when she knew that no matter how she behaved, her daughter would understand, the mother began to have bad behaviors.
While Ms. Dung not only cooked nutritious meals, gave her massages, and slept with her mother many nights, the mother was picky about everything, even not allowing her daughter to contact her husband and children, blaming her daughter for not caring about her biological mother.
Every time she goes out or meets her son, the mother takes the opportunity to tell others that her daughter does not love her, regrets having wrongly blamed her son and daughter-in-law in the past,...
When the elderly are sick, they tend to worry about gains and losses, are sensitive and suspicious, desire their children's attention, but also want to show authority in front of their children. However, gossiping about their children to others will only push their children further away, making them less willing to spend time with their parents.
02
Mr. Ly, 51, has been taking care of his mother alone for many years. She broke her leg a few years ago and often mistook him for his younger brother.
He has taken good care of his mother for many years, cooking delicious meals like minced meat and pasta for her every day. There are surveillance cameras installed in the house. Even when he goes out, he always checks his phone for fear that his mother will fall again.
To take care of his mother, he quit his high-paying job to focus all his energy on taking care of her. In the more than ten years since his divorce, several of his relationships have since broken down because of this situation.
Mr. Ly's mother gave birth to five siblings. His second sister was worried that he would be lonely in the future and did not want him to waste his life focusing on taking care of his mother, so she expressed her intention to take her home or find a nursing home for her.
However, he always thought that he was the youngest among his siblings and did not have to worry too much about his daughter, while his second sister was already 70 years old and had to take care of her sick husband, so he would be the most suitable person to take care of their mother.
It is natural for children to care for their aging parents, but that does not mean they have to sacrifice their happiness and marriage, and the companionship and care of their children.
If children consider taking care of the elderly as their only job, then once their parents pass away, they will feel lost and lose their purpose in life, which is not what parents want.
"You're old, I want to find you a good wife!", "It's time for my son to get married so I can have a grandson!" Even though an old mother sometimes doesn't recognize her son and isn't sober enough, she will often unconsciously say these things.
The mother's words express the simplest wishes of parents for their children.
As parents, we all want our children to have a happy family, instead of them only caring for themselves and eventually living alone and helpless.
03
Difficulty caring for the elderly and family at the same time
A person's strength is limited. If children put all their energy into taking care of their elderly parents, it will be difficult for them to focus on one thing, leading to neglecting other things like their own small family.
What should children do if there is a sick elderly person in the house?
1. Take turns taking care of elderly parents
In a large family, children can take turns picking up their parents to take care of them. This not only reduces the burden on each child but also helps the elderly enjoy the happiness of having children and grandchildren around.
2. In addition to being filial to their elderly parents, children should also have their own lives.
In Mr. Li's case, his devotion to his elderly mother made his other siblings feel somewhat uneasy and wanted him to have a normal life. However, they were old and it was very difficult to take care of their elderly parents by themselves, so the siblings found a quality nursing home for their mother.
Parents getting old and needing their children to take care of them is a matter of time. However, children in that process also need to have their own lives, to find their own hobbies and interests, to create a solid spiritual support, and to relieve the fatigue of taking care of their elderly parents.
3. Hire a nanny or choose a nursing home suitable for the elderly
Quan is an only child born in the 1990s. Both of his parents are paralyzed. He is the only one in the family who can earn 20 million a month, enough to hire someone to take care of his parents.
However, his father always felt that the nanny was unreliable. Every 2-3 days, he would ask for a new nanny. In just six months, he scolded 20 nannies and fired them all just because he felt that hiring a nanny was too expensive.
He just wants his children to take care of him, but his children are in a difficult situation. Dad doesn't agree to hire a caregiver, but if she quits her job, the family will have no income.
The thinking of the elderly is understandable, but the prerequisite is to have enough financial strength, while their family at this time does not have this condition.
For children, if conditions allow, hire a reliable and diligent nanny. If conditions do not exist, you can also consider sending the elderly to a suitable nursing home, working hard to earn money to serve that.
Conclusion,
Taking care of elderly parents is the responsibility of children, but caring for elderly parents should not be a burden for one of the children. All children should contribute money and effort to take care of their parents together, instead of leaving it to one person.
For elderly parents, "having something to support them in their old age" is the best thing, but they cannot rely on their children for everything.
In addition to adjusting their mentality and lowering their expectations for their children, the elderly should also exercise regularly and have savings to prevent future risks.
Source: https://giadinh.suckhoedoisong.vn/thuc-te-phu-vai-phang-con-cai-du-hieu-thao-den-may-cung-khong-nen-mot-minh-cham-soc-cha-me-gia-om-dau-qua-lau-ngay-tai-sao-172250310172217634.htm
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