The difficulty of children being the eldest brother or sister in the family

We often think that the eldest child is highly independent, has strong inner strength, is responsible, knows how to care for others... There are many positive opinions about the eldest child.

Since childhood, the eldest child has been assigned by his parents the task of looking after his younger siblings and setting an example for them. Therefore, the eldest child will have certain psychological pressures. Often, the eldest child's personality is not as cheerful and easy-going as his younger siblings.

Psychologists have discovered the most common problems in firstborns. If parents understand and support their firstborns, they will have a better journey to adulthood.

The eldest child in the family often has different psychological and personality traits (Illustration: iStock).

The eldest child often pursues perfection.

When having their first child, parents will experience raising a child for the first time, they will go through many trials and even shortcomings and mistakes. When having subsequent children, parents have more experience, so the way to raise subsequent children is also different from the way to raise the first child.

The eldest child is often raised strictly with higher standards. When there are more children, parents often require the eldest child to set an example for the younger children. Therefore, the eldest child often has a mentality of pursuing perfection. This makes the eldest child prone to anxiety, because he always wants everything he does to impress his parents and younger siblings.

According to American psychologist Altheresa Clark, during her counseling sessions, she often helps her eldest child clients understand this issue, so that they can gradually give up the habit of pursuing perfection, reduce psychological pressure and become more relaxed and comfortable in life.

The eldest child is under pressure to "grow up"

According to American psychologist Aparna Sagaram, eldest children tend to be mature before their time, because they often have to look after their younger siblings and help their parents with housework. Although they are still children, many eldest children have to act like "adults" in front of their younger siblings.

Parents also tend to pay more attention to their younger children. Therefore, the eldest child may feel that he or she does not receive as much attention from his or her parents as his or her younger siblings, both physically and mentally. The eldest child also often feels that he or she has to care for and worry about others.

According to expert Sagaram, having to act mature before their age makes first-born children anxious, easily stressed, and unable to relax and be happy.

We often think that the eldest child is highly independent, has strong inner strength, and lives responsibly (Illustration: iStock).

The eldest child may feel jealous of his younger siblings.

According to expert Sagaram, the eldest child easily feels that he is "paved the way" for his younger siblings, and that their lives always seem more comfortable and easier than his own.

As children, the eldest child is often treated more strictly by his or her parents, given more responsibilities, and often has to take care of and look after the younger children. This can make the eldest child feel jealous of the younger child, and sometimes even hate the younger child.

For example, even though they commit the same mistake, the eldest child is scolded more harshly and punished more severely by his parents because "he is the oldest child in the family and should be an example for his younger siblings". This can easily make the eldest child feel that he is not treated fairly by his parents.

The eldest child is likely to be reluctant to ask for help.

Oldest children tend to think they have to figure things out on their own. This is partly because parents expect their oldest children to act maturely. Parents are often busy with work, housework, and caring for younger children.

If parents are not considerate and accidentally "forget" their eldest child, the child will gradually tend to avoid coming to their parents. When something happens, the child will want to find a way to handle it himself. This mentality will affect the eldest child's future relationships.

Expert Altheresa Clark often has to encourage her oldest child clients to relax and ask for help. In general, oldest children tend to be less expressive and less open when faced with difficult situations.

Source: https://dantri.com.vn/an-sinh/cai-kho-cua-nhung-dua-tre-la-anh-ca-chi-ca-trong-gia-dinh-20240926161041863.htm