GĐXH - When a child has difficulty learning or gets a bad score on a test, the cause is not necessarily due to the child's aptitude.
Some time ago, in a Chinese apartment building, a notice was posted in the elevator with the following content: Stop disturbing your neighbors.
It is known that a mother often yells and scolds her child while helping him with homework.
Despite being reminded many times, this parent still "relapses into old habits", making it difficult for those around him to find peace.
Indeed, anyone who has ever tutored a child will understand why they have to "scratch their heads", "tie their own hands", or "put their heads in the refrigerator".
On forums, the topic of tutoring children is always lively, and the many funny and sad situations shared always receive deep sympathy from other parents.
Even though I have reminded myself a thousand times to take a deep breath and stay calm when teaching my children, sometimes I still don't understand, the children are distracted and adults seem to lose all their energy and get mad at them.
But there is no child who does not want to be a good student, just as there is no adult who does not want to earn a lot of money.
When a child has difficulty learning or gets a bad grade on a test, the more parents scold them, the worse the results may be.
Children who are frequently subjected to verbal abuse will have a reduced size in the hippocampus of the brain, and their memory and reaction speed will decrease! Illustration photo
Ms. Duong, a long-time teacher in Shanghai (China) shared: After many years of being a teacher, I often receive questions from parents about the difficulties in raising children: "My child always answers 'I don't know', doesn't want to talk"; "No matter what parents say, they don't listen, but they listen to what others say"; "If we explain too much, the child feels annoyed, if we say less, we are afraid that the child will go astray, it's really difficult"...
Although there are many problems, they all come back to one root: Communication problems. In communication between parents and children, even though the parents' intentions are good, they often do not achieve the desired results.
One parent said that she also put pressure on her child's grades, forcing her child to be in the top 3 of the class. However, during the parent-teacher meeting, her daughter's homeroom teacher repeatedly emphasized that life education is more important than education for exams.
When children have difficulty in studying, parents should sympathize with their children, find out the problem and then solve it. Please do not scold your children when you see their scores or wrong answers, every child who fails an exam is already very worried.
If parents often say these two sentences at home, their children will easily get bad grades:
1. "Why am I not as good as others?"
The real thought: "I need to learn from other people's strengths." Children understand: "I am not as good as others, in my parents' eyes I am always inferior."
A popular question on Zhihu is: "My parents always compare me with other friends, am I really bad?". One answer touched me: "No, you are excellent, it's just that my parents use the wrong way of encouragement."
In fact, instead of emphasizing your child's weaknesses, focus on his strengths. For example, if a child is shy and doesn't dare to express himself, but loves reading, encourage him to write down what he reads and thinks, then express it.
Each child has his or her own strengths, and they can be connected to learning methods in many different ways. The principle of creative communication indicates that: Attention should be paid to the psychological, emotional and intellectual differences of each individual.
2. "If you do a test like this next time, don't come home."
In fact, acquiring knowledge at the primary level is not difficult, as long as children have enough motivation to study, they can achieve good results. The reason many children do not do well on exams is due to lack of motivation and learning methods.
But parents do not realize this, every time they see their children get low scores, they immediately scold them.
Over time, these possibly unintentional angry words are remembered by children and become an unsolvable "knot".
Not only does it affect the parent-child relationship, it also causes children to neglect themselves and their grades to get worse.
Not to mention, the sentence "If you do this test next time, don't come home" will be understood by children as "parents only love and want to raise me when I get high scores. Otherwise, I will be useless and not worthy of being cared for".
In addition, parents who often scold their children are extremely harmful to children. Brain science has also confirmed that for children who are scolded by their parents for a long time, the amygdala in the brain, which is responsible for processing emotions of anger and fear, will be continuously stimulated, making children feel easily frightened anytime, anywhere. How can a child who is afraid for a long time achieve good results?
Harvard University research has also confirmed that children who are frequently subjected to verbal violence will have a shrinkage in the size of the hippocampus of the brain, and their memory and reaction speed will decrease!
This is why some parents feel that scolding and hitting their children will not improve their grades. In fact, scolding children is never the right way to fundamentally solve problems.
3. "Only know how to play, study without spirit"
The real thought: "When studying, don't think about playing, then you will make progress". Children understand: "In my mother's eyes, I am just a learning machine, she is only satisfied when I just study".
As a mother, I always believe in the principle that "play well, study well". This is a positive circle: After playing, you can rest well, study with a good spirit, study more effectively, and then have more time to play.
Manager Stephen Covey pointed out: "Physical exercise can regulate stress and develop initiative." Playing is not to pamper children, but to help children relieve stress from studying and recharge their mental energy.
Both study and play should follow the "first things first" principle. Put first things first, play hard and study hard, combine the two for best results.
The more rewards, the faster the child's progress; Conversely, when undervalued, the more likely the child is to take it as their own characteristic, from "can do" to "absolutely can't do". Illustration photo
4. "People like you can only sweep the floor in the future"
Surely many people have said or heard this sentence. At first, the child may object: I will not sweep the street!
Later, when parents talked to them more often, they basically stopped objecting and just swept the street if they wanted to.
The parents' original intention in saying this was probably to use "motivational methods" to stimulate interest in learning.
Unfortunately, hearing these words too often not only fails to motivate children, but also leaves them with the assumption that they won't amount to much when they grow up.
Children in primary school are in the stage of building and developing self-esteem. Their ability to self-evaluate and understand is not yet complete, if parents always say that when they grow up they are only allowed to sweep the floor, they will actually use this job to define themselves.
Therefore, when children make mistakes, answer questions incorrectly, or fail exams, parents should not blindly scold their children. The first thing to do is to find a way to stimulate their learning motivation, guide them with positive language, sympathize with their feelings, and make them believe that they can learn well.
Second, find out the real problems in your child's learning, then focus on a certain problem and build a personalized learning plan for your child to continue practicing. Don't forget to praise each small effort of your child to motivate them.
5. "Do it again, you idiot!"
The real thought: "If I work harder, I can succeed." The child understands: "I am a failure."
When faced with a few failures, children easily feel disappointed. If at that time, parents do not provide encouragement, the feeling of failure is not properly guided and released, the child may become unconfident, shy and refuse to try again.
There is a saying: "Don't use your emotions to criticize your child's failure." When children fail, parents should apply the principle of "starting from the end goal" in communication: The goal is to help children avoid failure next time, find lessons from the current failure and continue to experiment, instead of using emotions to communicate.
For example, in daily life, use a "magnifying glass" instead of "nearsighted glasses" to ignore your child's small mistakes and often praise: "I see you have improved, do you want to try again?".
Children are independent individuals who need respect, understanding and trust. They need equal communication and interaction to develop self-esteem, confidence and independence. These are the strongest supports when facing the future.
Source: https://giadinh.suckhoedoisong.vn/chia-se-cua-giao-vien-lau-nam-o-cha-me-thuong-xuyen-noi-5-cau-nay-thi-con-cai-rat-de-bi-diem-kem-17224122817331923.htm
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