The sadness of children with low EQ parents

GĐXH - Children raised by parents with low emotional intelligence (EQ) grow up to have difficulty communicating and controlling emotions.

10-year-old Jasmine lay alone in her bed, happy to be "isolated" from the outside world behind closed doors. "It could happen," she whispered to herself, something only she knew.

Deep down, she always wished that her current parents were not her biological parents and that her real parents were somewhere else and had not yet come to pick her up.

Then one day, they will ring the doorbell of this house, appearing with neat appearance and kind, gentle faces.

They will explain to her current parents that Jasmine was accidentally placed with the wrong family at birth and that Jasmine truly belongs to them.

Then they brought her back home - a real home where she felt loved, nurtured and cared for.

Jasmine didn't know if it was real or just a 10 year old's fantasy.

In fact, this is just the beginning of her inner struggle because what Jasmine has to endure under this so-called "home" is what is worth talking about.

Jasmine's parents were basically very good to their daughter. They worked hard and provided Jasmine with a comfortable life with a house to live in, food, clothes, and toys.

She goes to school every day and does her homework every afternoon. Jasmine has close friends at school and she has a great passion for soccer. In short, she is a very lucky child.

Despite her good fortune and loving parents, Jasmine always felt lonely in her own home.

How does a 10-year-old know the word "lonely"? Why does she feel that way?

The answer is incredibly simple: Jasmine was raised by parents with low emotional intelligence (EQ) and she grew up with emotional neglect from her parents throughout her childhood.

Family life is the first school that teaches us lessons about emotional intelligence. Parents with high EQ help their children learn positive lessons early. Parents with low EQ will have a significant impact on the development of their children both intellectually and physically.

Lack of emotional intelligence in parents not only negatively affects children's emotional development but is also the cause of many negative behaviors in children. Illustration photo

Harvard University once concluded that a person's ability to succeed in life depends 20% on IQ, while EQ (emotional intelligence) accounts for 80%.

Researchers identify five aspects of emotional intelligence: the ability to recognize emotions, the ability to manage one's own emotions, the ability to tolerate failure, the ability to understand the emotions of others, and the ability to manage interpersonal relationships.

Here are typical signs that both parents have low EQ:

Show off your baby everywhere

As mentioned above, many parents have a habit of telling others about their children's achievements, whether it is something as small as a degree they received in school or as big as finding a good job after entering society. This mentality is completely understandable.

But, as parents, we have to understand that not everyone in the world likes to see you become more and more successful.

You can't tell the truth about a person by their appearance. There are people who smile to your face but behind your back you never know what they will say about you and your children.

Furthermore, it is not certain that parents really understand the work and content of the work that their children do.

If you brag about how good your child is, especially at work, you not only arouse the jealousy of others but also attract a crowd of people looking for help or wanting to take advantage.

Small things are fine, but what if the requests could affect your child's work?

If you don't help, you will become the target of criticism from others, and if you help, you will most likely affect your child.

Therefore, when children have achievements, parents should avoid attracting attention, that is wise.

Always scrutinize everything

Parents always love and tend to care about everything their children do.

However, parents with low EQ seem to care too much, especially to the point of being picky. Therefore, they always feel dissatisfied with their children and become difficult and nag.

This leads to the consequence that the relationship between parents and children easily has a gap.

Children living in such an environment are naturally influenced and tend to act like their parents, becoming nosy, always looking at others with judgmental eyes, and finding it difficult to build good relationships with others.

"Chatting" about your child's personality and personal behavior issues

I bet every child in the world has at least once been compared by their parents with the children of relatives or neighbors and then criticized.

But in reality, every child has their own personality and way of behaving. Even if they are different from other children, that doesn't mean that it's wrong.

Comparison is okay, but it affects children's self-confidence.

What is worrying is that some parents like to reveal their children's personality and behavior problems to close friends and colleagues, sometimes even with a complaining and critical attitude.

This will seriously affect the child's growth, and also cause people to misunderstand the child's image.

Parents full of negative energy

Both have low scores at school, parents with high EQ accept that their children have shortcomings, and that stumbling is normal.

But parents with high EQ think that low scores are a sign of poor study, laziness, and "their life will be a failure".

Such negative inferences cause the child to suffer negative psychological pressures.

Parents who always contain negative energy with anger and criticism make their children always live in negativity and jealousy for the things they don't have and can't achieve.

Parents with low EQ make their children shy, self-conscious and have difficulty developing successfully.

Parents with low EQ will raise children with low EQ. Illustration photo

Lack of empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.

When parents are too focused on themselves and fail to see the problem from the perspective of their children or others, they will often overlook or even ignore their children's emotional needs.

Growing up in such an environment, children will gradually lose the ability to understand and share emotions with others.

This makes them more insensitive, making it difficult to form deep and meaningful relationships.

Uncontrollable emotions

When their children get in trouble at school for behaving disrespectfully toward teachers, low EQ parents don't ask what really happened or why the child lost his temper.

They don't explain to their children how they could have handled the situation differently.

Instead, they forbid, scold, or even defend their children to the point of blaming the teacher to escape punishment.

As a result, children do not learn how to control or manage their emotions or how to manage situations in adversity.

How do low EQ parents silently 'destroy' their children?

Recently, on China's Zhihu network, there was a hot topic: "How will low EQ parents affect their children?".

A reader said that once, while at the airport, he saw a person who had lost something crying, and he was heartbroken. At that time, he was only 15 years old and told his father about it, but he was scolded: "Children know what heartache is. That's none of your business." Another time, he was scolded by his mother for saying he was tired. His mother said: "You're so young, why are you tired? I'm old, so I don't even complain."

Finally, this man said: "I chose to permanently close the door to my inner world with my parents. Although they worked hard to raise me, those careless words day after day left an invisible hole in my childhood and youth."

Famous American psychologist Daniel Goleman wrote in his book: "Emotional Intelligence": "Family life is the first school we learn about emotions. Parents with high EQ will have high EQ children. Parents with low EQ have a negative impact on the development of their children".

Research has clearly demonstrated that emotional intelligence plays a decisive role in the development of children's social skills, ability to manage emotions and resolve conflicts. Illustration photo

Professor Li Meijin - a leading Chinese educational psychologist - has pointed out the close connection between children's emotional intelligence and parents. Because parents are not only the first educators but also the role models that children always follow.

If parents have low emotional intelligence, they will also unintentionally pass on to their children inappropriate ways of behaving and managing emotions. This makes it easy for children to imitate and form similar habits.

Like the following case: Tieu Linh and her mother went to the amusement park. Because it was crowded, Tieu Linh accidentally bumped into a boy of the same age and both of them cried. While Tieu Linh's mother calmly comforted and taught her to apologize to her friend, the other boy's mother got angry, scolded Tieu Linh badly and even pushed her.

This mother's actions are clear evidence that low emotional intelligence can negatively affect the development of her children.

When adults are intolerant of the mistakes of others, especially children, it means that their children are not taught empathy and forgiveness, making it difficult for them to develop the social skills needed to resolve conflicts peacefully.

Conversely, when parents handle conflicts calmly, showing tolerance and understanding, children will learn and emulate these positive behaviors.

This will contribute to forming a solid foundation for the development of children's emotional intelligence, helping children to integrate more into social relationships and practice effective problem-solving skills.

Source: https://giadinh.suckhoedoisong.vn/noi-buon-cua-nhung-dua-tre-co-cha-me-eq-thap-172250227155303726.htm