My mother said: "So what if a man gets divorced? He's still young and rich, I think it's okay."
She told me that I was 28 years old and still didn't have a boyfriend, the neighbors were gossiping, and that it would be difficult to have children when I got older. I was very upset, and let the neighbors say whatever they wanted. I didn't need them to live my life for me, and having children was a woman's choice, not a mandatory obligation.
Generational differences
My mother and I have different thoughts, perhaps due to the difference in ideology of the times. I was born in the countryside, went to the city to study at university at the age of 18, and after graduating, I did not return to my hometown but stayed in the city to work, and so I was away from home for 10 years.
My mother followed traditional beliefs, she wanted me to finish school, go back to my hometown to find a stable job, get married and have children soon. As for me, when I was exposed to a new life, I wanted to become an independent woman, with courage, and have my own career. My mother always urged me to be this and that, that having children was the most important thing, wanted me to quickly stabilize my life, take the civil service exam like my cousin, become a teacher like my cousin, only then would life be happy.
I only like to listen and learn about stories about women who are self-made, who can make a big career for themselves, and that family is not the only place a woman can return to. My mother's backward thinking should be cut off early. Therefore, my mother and I's conversations never end well. It's like my mother and I were both in a well, but one day I grabbed the rope, climbed out of the well, and saw the colorful sky outside. My mother still stayed in the well, she told me that it was very comfortable here, so I should go back. What's wrong with my mind to return to the well, if I go back to the well, all the years of my mother's efforts in raising me and educating me would be in vain.
If I had only graduated from primary school and worked as a factory worker in the countryside, I would have lived according to my mother's wishes. But no, when I was young, my mother told me to study hard and pass the university entrance exam to have honor. Now, when I am at the right time to be honored, my mother tells me to go back to my previous life. How can I listen to her? My mother said that studying changes my destiny. Now that I am changing, my mother is hindering me. How can that be?
Illustration
The mother humiliated her daughter, introducing her to men who had been married before.
When I was in college, I had a boyfriend. After graduating, we stayed in the city to work and rented a room to live together. When my mother found out that I was living with my boyfriend, she scolded me and forced me to move out and live alone. Of course, I didn't agree, but not long after that, my boyfriend suggested breaking up, making me suspect that it was my mother who forced him to do so.
When we broke up, I was in a daze and didn’t understand what was going on. My boyfriend just said he was tired and didn’t want to continue. I went home and asked my mother. She didn’t confirm or deny it, she just said that living together with my boyfriend meant there was no future, and that it was good to break up. In fact, “no future” in my mother’s eyes meant that our family conditions were similar, and that after we got married, the guy’s family wouldn’t be able to buy a house in the city.
What's even more ridiculous is that after my mother decided to separate us, she advised me to get married every day. Later, I thought it through, maybe my mother had a clear plan, wanting me to go back to the countryside to live as she wanted, but halfway through, a boyfriend popped up, so she had to separate the couple, then insert the person she liked to complete her plan.
There were 3 times in a row when I came home, my mother brought a stranger home for dinner without saying anything. I could tell at a glance that she was trying to set me up with that person. What was even more annoying was that she brought home 3 men, 2 of whom were not too old but had been married before, and the third had a child. The first time I was able to endure it, but her attitude was also cold, causing everyone to break up unhappily. The second and third times I couldn't bear it anymore and sent them away. From that time on, I refused to go home for any vacation that wasn't too important.
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In the homeland, we cannot find common ground.
I am probably the only one who does not miss home among those who live far from home. Because whenever I go back to my hometown, meet relatives or neighbors, the first question is always related to marriage. No one cares if I have a hard time at work, if I am tired, or if I have any unpleasant experiences living alone in the city. They just say I am 28 years old this year, I am getting old, I should get married.
In their eyes, a 28-year-old unmarried girl like me seems to have committed some serious crime. Not only that, even my old friends who now work in the countryside are the same, we really have no common topic to talk about. There are friends who braided my hair, played jump rope, played house with me since I was a kid, and made plans to have a meal together during Tet, but all they talk about is going on blind dates and getting married.
I have a very close friend, last year her mother also introduced someone to her daughter. At first she didn't like it, but after listening to her relatives' advice, she decided to marry that man. I asked her this was a matter of a lifetime, why did she compromise so easily? She said, you should also pay attention to your parents' feelings a little, after all, marriage is not her business alone, it's better for a daughter to get married early. I was speechless, my close friend from childhood now looked exactly like my mother. At that time, I realized that if I still wanted to continue living according to my own preferences, I definitely couldn't go back to my hometown, otherwise, under the pressure of the people around me, I would gradually be "brainwashed" without knowing it.
Don't be afraid of marriage, don't rush into it
Actually, I am not a celibate. I also have hope for marriage, but I will not blindly marry, and I absolutely will not accept the marriage that my mother arranged for me. My parents often advise me to get married soon because they think that after marriage, life will get better and better.
I don't understand where they got the confidence to say that, because their marriage itself is not going well. The two of them have very different personalities, from childhood to adulthood I have heard my parents argue many times, they can argue for hours just because of small things like who washes the dishes, who does the laundry. Parents arguing too much is not good for young children, it can create psychological scars for the children later, making them afraid of marriage. I want a husband who we can understand and tolerate each other, not quarrel all day and night. If I can't find one, it doesn't matter if I don't get married all my life. I would rather live alone in old age than endure an unhappy marriage.
Source: https://giadinh.suckhoedoisong.vn/moi-lan-toi-ve-que-me-deu-dua-nguoi-la-toi-an-com-toi-thua-biet-muc-dich-cua-ba-nhung-van-lam-cang-duoi-thang-co-ho-di-172240621214541012.htm
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