Ilkay Gundogan and the letter to Man City

In an article on The Player's Tribune, midfielder Ilkay Gundogan recounts his glorious years with Man City, culminating in the treble last season, and his determination to fulfil his dream of playing for Barca.

Dear City,

When I first arrived, I was a young man, childless and full of ambition. It is hard to imagine that after seven years, I will leave as a father and with all my dreams fulfilled.

Today is a mixed bag. Goodbyes are always hard to say, and even harder to say when waving goodbye to Man City. When I had to tell all my teammates about my decision to leave the group chat on my phone, I was extremely emotional. I will miss them all, to be honest. But I also feel happy to be able to proudly announce that I am leaving as a champion, and that my love for the club is something I will always hold dear. How many players get to say goodbye as captain of a team that has just won the treble?

Gundogan holds the Champions League trophy after defeating Inter with Man City in the final in Turkey in June 2023. Photo: *Reuters*

What we have achieved is incredible. Five Premier League titles in seven years. Two FA Cups. And a Champions League. And a treble. But those are just trophies. The thing I will cherish the most is the feeling of being in the same team as you, especially last season. I have never felt that way as a player.

I'm usually a quiet person, a bit reserved. Sometimes it takes a while to get me to open my mouth. But we can still tell jokes to each other no matter how much pressure we're under. We often practice 5v2 in the penalty area at training and my favorite part of it is joking with Ruben Dias. I guess it's because I'm a simple player and my friends tease me by calling me "Zidane" whenever I show off some tricks.

Whenever I have a good training session, Ruben goes around calling me "Zidane".

But one day I replied to him: "Okay, today I will let you be Pirlo. Tomorrow you will be Zizou."

Every day is the same, we laugh together, which is rare in football. Here I have to give credit to the wives and girlfriends of our players, because it is thanks to them that we and our brothers are so close. Those ladies often discuss organizing outdoor barbecues in the group chat, thanks to which we become united. This is the most united group I have ever been present, and I believe that is also why we were able to lift the Champions League Cup together.

Ilkay Gundogan and the letter to Man City — Gundogan's seven years at Man City.

I have to say that the Champions League has been a title that has haunted me for the past 10 years. Really haunted! When my Dortmund team lost to Bayern in the 2013 final, I was so sad that I cried. Losing a final always brings an indescribable feeling of pain. For 10 years, the echoes of that day have haunted me. Every decision I have made in my career since then has revolved around the goal of how to win the Champions League. That's why I came to Man City. And that's why when we lost to Chelsea in the Champions League final two years ago, that terrible feeling came back. And then last season, it was even more painful when I was on the bench in the semi-final against Real Madrid at the Etihad. After Pep Guardiola announced the starting lineup, I just quietly went into my room alone... I really wanted to collapse. You know, I wanted to play so much!

But this season, something inside me said, “This is different.” I just knew we could do it. And I don’t mean just the Champions League. The Premier League and the FA Cup – every trophy. Week in, week out, I felt like the heavens were in the game. Even when we were 10 points behind Arsenal, I still believed we could win the league. This team has had a solid foundation over the years with Kevin, Kyle, John, Phil, Bernardo and Ederson, and adding unique individuals like Erling and Jack is like a tiger with wings.

I just want to clarify some media reports about Jack Grealish. He is one of the nicest guys I have ever met in football. He is a very happy, humble and innocent person. I am so happy to see him doing well this season because I know what it is like to come to a big club for a big fee and the pressure that comes with it. He has worked incredibly hard to reach his potential this season and he is really important to us.

Then there's Erling Haaland. Honestly, when Erling came to City, I didn't know what to expect. Seeing the goals he scored at Dortmund and all the attention he got, you couldn't help but wonder if he would be a good fit for City. But when I got to know Erling, I was surprised that such a talented guy still wants to improve day after day. Erling is never satisfied with himself. I feel like there's no limit to him. Messi and Ronaldo are the only limits to his level.

Stefan Ortega, City's number two goalkeeper, is another guy who has made a huge difference in my life. We have a lot in common because we're German, but it's the espressos we've had together every day over the past year that have made me open up to him. If Stefan hadn't been at City, I don't think I would have had the season I've had. In football, you know, you need a rock and Stefan is my rock. I've also become closer to Kevin De Bruyne this season. I feel like I can talk to him about anything, and when you see your colleagues as brothers, you see a big difference.

With so many personalities in the dressing room, every time the team steps onto the pitch, I feel more confident. When you really trust your teammates, you can play with ease – without fear, without anxiety – and miracles come naturally. Maybe that’s why I’ve scored so many important goals this season.

The whole season has been like a movie. But I couldn’t have dreamed of a sweeter ending than that night in Istanbul. For me and my family, it was like a homecoming. I remember as the plane was about to land in the city, looking out the window, I suddenly realised that I was about to be the captain of the City squad entering the Champions League final in my father’s hometown.

As the team boarded the bus to the hotel, I sat next to Scott Carson, a member of the Liverpool team that pulled off the incredible comeback against AC Milan in 2005.

Scott said: "With me here, you guys don't have to worry about anything! Every time I come to Istanbul, I always come back with the Champions League Cup."

Hahaha. With Scott comes the Cup, I believe so!

Gundogan celebrates after scoring for Man City in the FA Cup final win over Man Utd at Wembley. Photo: Reuters — Gundogan celebrates after scoring for Man City in the FA Cup final win over Man Utd at Wembley. Photo: *Reuters*

The bad thing was that the final wasn’t until 10pm local time, so we sat in the hotel room all day, thinking about everything. I even turned off my phone because I didn’t want to read messages. I couldn’t sleep either. I couldn’t watch TV either. I was really restless. In my room, my head was running the match simulation 500 times. I just wanted to get on the field right now, I wanted it so bad!

One thing I will never forget is Pep pulling me aside in the dressing room after the warm-up and telling me to spend some time with Kyle Walker to talk to the team. That alone says a lot about the group, about the special feeling we were having, because Kyle wasn't starting that day.

I remember Kyle telling the team how much he loved us: "The Champions League has always been my dream. Go out there and make it come true for me!"

I can’t say much about the match, everything is still a bit hazy. Objectively speaking, we didn’t play a very good final. We were a bit hesitant in our moves. But in the end, we still found a way to win, like any other champion.

What I remember most is the moment the referee blew the final whistle. I collapsed right next to the goal. Enough! I buried my head in the grass. I tried to get my head together. When I got up, the first thing I saw was the Inter players sitting around me, crying. I knew exactly what they felt, and I went over and told them they had every right to be proud of their season and to keep fighting. I know what I went through, and that's not a cliché. In a final, the line between winning and losing is very thin. You can be the winner or the loser in a matter of seconds.

Tasting honey and lying on thorns, fighting for years is never meaningless.

After suffering comes sweetness! How sweet is the taste of victory!

I remember walking towards my teammates who were standing at the end of the pitch, Stefan was the first one I grabbed. We hugged each other for a long time and it was a moment that really touched my heart. I started crying. He cried too. The feeling of happiness was so intense and left a feeling of relief.

Pep could only say one thing: "We did it! We did it! We did it!"

I went to my wife and family in the crowd, and they were like, "You did it! You did it! You did it!"

No. Exactly as Pep said. We did it!

Behind every dream there is a family and family is as important as the player. My parents worked hard all their lives to give me a happy life. My father drove a truck for a brewery. My mother worked as a chef in a hotel pool restaurant. My grandfather emigrated to Germany to work in the mines. So, standing in front of the world as a Champions League winner, with the name Gundogan, I was very emotional!

I have to say, those emotions and happiness would not have been possible without Pep. There were times when the rigour and tension he demanded from us in the way he played was a bit difficult psychologically for us. But once we were all on the same page and in harmony on the pitch, Pep’s system was so superior that it felt like you didn’t have to sweat.

And with Pep, I've always had a strong relationship.

He once said to me: "I wish I could pick 11 midfielders to play together. You'd be five steps ahead of the opposition."

One of the toughest calls I ever made was to Pep, to tell him I was leaving City. All I could say was thank you. Not just for this season, or for all the trophies I’ve won, but for bringing me to City as his first signing. I’ll never forget the moment when I had to have an operation on my knee at the end of that season at Dortmund, and I was terrified that City wouldn’t sign me. But Pep called me and said, “Don’t worry, it’s still the same. We want you at City. And we’ll wait for you no matter how long it takes.”

I don't know what City fans thought, seeing a quiet young man with a funny name arrive at their club on a big-money deal with one leg on crutches on his debut.

All I can say is...

I came here with one leg on crutches, but when I left, I felt like I was on cloud nine.

After the treble and the memorable Manchester parade, I said to myself: What could be better than this? What is there left to fight for in life? Could I write a more perfect chapter?

The answer is: You can't!

Gundogan hugs Pep Guardiola after winning the FA Cup. Photo: Reuters — Gundogan hugs Pep Guardiola after winning the FA Cup. Photo: *Reuters*

I think Pep may have hoped that we would go to City together and leave together, but I know he will understand my decision. I am sure of it because I am going to the club he loves. Hopefully we will meet again in a Champions League final soon.

If I decide to leave, there is only one club in the world that would be the most likely destination. It is Barca or nowhere. Ever since I was a boy, I have dreamed of wearing the Barca shirt one day. I am confident that I still have a few years left in my career to give, and I just want to help bring Barca back to where it belongs. It would also be a reunion with my old friend Lewandowski, and I am excited to play under someone I have admired for so long. When Xavi and I talked about the project at Barca, it seemed so natural. I saw that we had so many similarities in our personalities and our views on football.

I know there will be a lot of pressure at Barca. But I like pressure. I like to get out of my comfort zone. I'm not looking for a quiet place. I want to conquer new challenges. That's the next chapter I'm looking forward to.

I can't wait to put on the Barca shirt. But first, I want to say the last words to Manchester City. I want to speak directly to all my brothers, to the coaching staff and especially to the fans of the team...

I just want you to know that I will always belong to City. It is a destiny that cannot be broken. It is the highest level of the concept of love.

All I can say is thank you all.

I have been able to live my dreams thanks to the teachers who pushed me (sometimes fiercely!), the teammates who sacrificed everything to play beautiful football, the fans who travelled thousands of miles to support us, the club who gave me the opportunity to be part of an ambitious project, and all the doctors and therapists who have graciously cared for us.

I'm sure most people will remember the goals and assists and finals of this extraordinary era. I, for one, will choose to cherish something a little different.

Yes, football is sometimes incredibly emotional!

But it's the people of football that are the best!

I will miss you all for the rest of my life!

Thanks for everything!

Warm and sincere greetings,

Ilkay.

Hoang Thong (according to The Players' Tribune )

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