Nearly 50 years of living together, suddenly going to court to break up at old age

Recently, many couples in their twilight years have decided to divorce, because they want to spend the rest of their lives living for themselves after a long time of having to put up with each other.

To live for themselves, many elderly people travel to their favorite places - Photo: QUANG DINH

Why can they tolerate each other for 40 - 50 years living together and taking care of their children, but when they are 60 - 70 years old they decide to separate?

Gray heads in court

Many people were surprised to hear that Mr. Van Luan and Ms. Thanh Van (both 70 years old, living in Long Bien District, Hanoi) had gone their separate ways after nearly half a century of living together. Because in the eyes of relatives, friends and neighbors, they were a couple that everyone admired.

Despite their age, they are like a newlywed couple, always together. Their family is happy, their children are harmonious, their career is successful. But according to him, it is all just a facade. Those seemingly perfect images are the roles that both he and his wife have tried to play to the fullest over the years.

Mr. Luan shared: "At this age, each person has their own personality, it's hard to please each other. There's no need to gossip or dig up each other's bad things. Each person should try to live a good life, pursue healthy hobbies, and not let it affect or bother their children and grandchildren. Even though we're separated, we're still the parents of our children, the grandparents of our grandchildren, and we always consider each other as friends."

"Our children initially strongly objected when they learned that their parents were going to court. But after considering the pros and cons, they supported us. We broke up in a civilized manner. After the divorce, we still lived in the same house, but each person lived on a different floor. One person did not interfere in the other's life, that's all," Ms. Van explained further.

Also breaking up at an age that is no longer young, the situation of Ms. Ngoc Mai (63 years old, living in District 7, Ho Chi Minh City) comes with an incomplete ending. It was thought that after retirement, the couple would have more time to travel here and there, doing the things they both dreamed of. Unexpectedly, due to the goals and interests of each person being too different, they were pushed further and further apart.

She was eager to learn, so she enrolled in a foreign language course and a second university degree, and participated in volunteer activities. He was crazy about tennis, so he took his racket to the court every day, regardless of the time. After a while, it was revealed that he had another woman and a child in preschool.

To live for yourself

Divorce in old age is also known by other terms such as "gray divorce" or "greasy divorce" to refer to couples aged 50 and over.

In fact, gray divorce is becoming more common in many countries. According to a 2017 report by the Pew Research Center, the divorce rate among people 50 and older in the United States has nearly doubled in three decades.

A 2019 survey by the Korea Institute for Health and Social Affairs found that more than 40% of middle-aged people in the country said they wanted to divorce. In Japan, divorce rates among couples married for 30 years or more have quadrupled over the past two decades.

In Vietnam, the results of the 2019 Population and Housing Census showed that the number of divorced or separated people accounted for 2.1% of the total population. According to the analysis from this census, couples over the age of 50 accounted for about 10% of divorced couples.

Many reasons have led to the increasing rate of divorce in recent years. Because life is constantly changing, it has brought about many changes from awareness to the goals of married life.

In the past, young people had to settle down and have a stable family to be considered mature, and couples living together until their hair turns white was considered a blessing. Nowadays, personal happiness is put first, and starting a family becomes secondary. Even the elderly are aware of the need to pursue personal happiness, to do what they like rather than having to live according to others' wishes.

Moreover, as life expectancy increases, after fulfilling their responsibilities to their children, many people tend to find themselves again, separating from a marriage that is falling into a rut and becoming old.

How to avoid?

Divorce at an older age is always a difficult decision for those involved. They not only face psychological crises and social prejudices, but also face fierce opposition from their children, friends, and relatives.

Being criticized as "rejuvenating", "if you don't have fun when you're young, you'll become depraved when you're old" or trying to endure to live until the end of your life because "at your age with gray hair, taking each other to court is no different from making a laughing stock of the world".

Gray divorce is bringing opportunities for people in better lives, ending the situation of violence and mental terrorism. However, it also leaves consequences for families and society.

Many marriage and family experts believe that it is still possible to avoid the situation of family separation due to gray divorce. Accordingly, each person needs to change the mindset that once married, they have the full right to impose and force their spouse to obey and do as they wish absolutely. On the contrary, they should know how to appreciate what they have and work together to build happiness.

Sometimes "too familiar makes boring" makes people easily say and do things that hurt each other. Especially when the trend of "being careful with outsiders, looking down on family members" is becoming popular.

Besides, each person should renew themselves, should spend 50% of their time for themselves, 50% of their time for their partner, instead of forcing their partner to follow them or spending 100% of their time chasing after their partner.

Source: https://tuoitre.vn/gan-50-nam-chung-song-bong-dung-ra-toa-chia-tay-nhau-o-tuoi-xe-chieu-20241122220438119.htm