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| On the occasion of Vietnamese Family Day, sharing with TG&VN Newspaper, Ms. To Thuy Diem Quyen said that we should not let technology and the Internet affect family traditions. (Photo: NVCC) |
During the 3rd session of the 15th National Assembly, when discussing the Law on Prevention and Control of Domestic Violence (amended), many National Assembly Deputies were very concerned about the statistical report on the increasing number of domestic violence cases and the increasing number of women being abused by their husbands. This speaks to a sad truth that family culture is having very alarming problems, going against the trend of civilization and progress. What is your perspective on this story?
In my opinion, domestic violence has many causes. There are groups of causes related to society, for example, the pressure of life and family economy is increasingly heavy, or people's psychology is unstable due to the increase of digital devices. There are groups of causes related to the lack of skills and sanctions for violence, specifically the law and the supervision of violence from the community.
However, in reality, there are still many problems in the perception of domestic violence. I know of a woman who was abused by her husband. When she asked for help, she was told that they would not interfere in family matters. Therefore, there have been abused women who cried to me that they did not know who to turn to for protection.
When we can do a serious investigation into the causes of violence, we can come up with solutions to limit and eventually end violence. This is not just the story of the Women's Union but the story of all of us, including the responsibility of education.
In addition, girls need to learn how to protect themselves, such as setting boundaries to prevent violence early. Learning martial arts and understanding the law are also necessary equipment.
So in the 4.0 era, what challenges are families facing?
As mentioned above, the digital revolution is both an opportunity and a consequence of increasing stress for everyone. We will prefer to be immersed in our phones rather than spend time communicating and sharing our feelings with each other. As a result, empathy in families decreases and people easily collide with each other. Violence also appears more because people are gradually losing connection with each other.
In modern times, when there are many life skills classes and pre-marital training courses, why is the number of divorces still increasing, why are many women still victims of violence?
Learning skills does not mean acquiring skills, especially when those skill courses are purely theoretical and lack practical experience. As for the increase in divorce, it can be seen that Vietnamese society today has changed a lot. Divorce is not necessarily negative, but it can be seen as a sign of a society that no longer has the strict standards that once forced women to accept suffering but did not dare to divorce for fear of social criticism.
| "The responsibility of building family culture is the responsibility of all members, and there is no longer the view that 'men build houses, women build homes'. Because women now also worry about 'building houses' like men." |
I have a friend who is a pretty and successful MC. Her husband had an affair so she got divorced and went back to Hue to live with her parents. Instead of taking her back, her parents scolded her and chased her away because they thought their daughter had "ruined the family tradition". That was a story from 10 years ago, now hardly anyone criticizes women who leave their husbands anymore. They even congratulate women who dare to leave their bad husbands, dare to overcome all prejudices, dare to be strong and live a worthy life.
Therefore, I do not agree with the view that the increase in divorce figures is a negative sign of society. This number may even decrease in the future. But the reason for the decrease is not because couples are happier, but because they no longer have the need to get married.
A girl said this: Did divorced couples ever love each other? Did they register their marriage? Did they have children together? All of them? They went through all the formalities of a marriage but still got divorced. So why get married? Just stay together until you get bored, then breaking up is less difficult. That’s it!
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| Ms. To Thuy Diem Quyen shared that there are many consequences that affect family relationships, and the disconnection comes from not nurturing each other's emotions. (Photo: NVCC) |
Some people say: “Families today are more complete and comfortable, but also have more pressure and are less sustainable.” So what is each person’s responsibility in family culture education, in your opinion?
Depending on the culture of each family, the responsibilities of each member will be different. However, family culture is an important foundation that couples need to agree on before living together. It can be seen as a "marriage contract" in which both parties will give their wishes, expectations of each other and the processes that will take place in a house.
The responsibility of building a family culture is the responsibility of all members, and there is no longer the view that “men build houses, women build homes”. Because women now also take care of “building houses” like men. Therefore, in the family, when the wife cooks, the husband washes the dishes. When the wife bathes the children, the husband cleans the house. These things should not be called “the husband shares with the wife” but “common obligations”.
How to improve cultural quality in the context of Vietnamese families facing challenges and impacts of the digital age, according to you?
This question can become a scientific research topic for those studying sociology, anthropology, and women's studies. Personally, I am a woman working in the field of digital transformation, so I understand the pressures of people in the digital age.
When I went to the US to work with Microsoft engineers, they told me that children should limit their use of digital devices. The younger the child, the more time they need to spend playing with nature, animals, and especially communicating with people. Children must learn to communicate in the real world in order to develop comprehensively and without deviation.
Many children addicted to digital devices have lost control and their academic performance has declined. Worse, some children are ready to commit suicide when their digital devices are taken away. That is for children. As for adults, you probably see couples in love going to a romantic cafe, instead of sitting there looking at each other passionately, telling each other stories, now everyone is glued to their phones.
This consequence is the premise for cracks in marriage. There are many other consequences that affect family relationships, and the disconnection comes from not nurturing each other's emotions and everyone is immersed in their phones. It's time for us to sit down and agree that every day when we return home, everyone should turn off their phones and never use their phones while eating.
Everyone should talk to each other at the dinner table and do housework together. On weekends when the whole family goes out, no one will be holding their phone in their hand, constantly texting, reading the newspaper, or surfing Facebook. These conventions need to be supported by the whole family and inspired by friends.
I think that any family that builds such a culture will certainly increase empathy and will have a lasting connection. A good family relationship needs to be protected by principles that we will call it by the term "family culture".
Thank you!
Education expert To Thuy Diem Quyen is the founder and CEO of InnEdu, one of the 20 inspirational women of 2021 voted by Forbes Vietnam. She has worked in education for 30 years in three roles: teacher, trainer and owner of educational business InnEdu, specializing in STEAM. Expert Diem Quyen is also a lecturer in the Ministry of Education and Training’s innovation programs and a judge in local and national innovative teacher competitions. She has trained and coached more than 60,000 educational leaders and teachers in more than 40 provinces and cities on STEAM-related skills, applying information technology in teaching, creative teaching methods and creating positive motivation for students. In 2014, she participated in the Global Education Forum in Spain and was also the first Vietnamese person to be recognized by Microsoft as an innovative education expert (Microsoft Innovative Educator Expert Fellow). In October 2020, InnEdu, which she founded, became Microsoft's first global training partner in Vietnam. |
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