Where is the love like 'your grandparents' time': Now the trap is full of ambiguous intrigue

Both of you just care about each other, text each other all night and then meet up to go out, hold hands, hug and kiss but don't be lovers!

Yet today's love and dating are still as simple and poetic as "the time of our grandparents" - Photo: Q. DINH

Meeting, getting to know each other, dating and then falling in love are probably fading away in today's fast-paced life. The concept of happiness and marriage seems to have changed somewhat. Many young people choose relationships without commitment or strings attached. Others choose the microwave type of love, "heating and reheating" when in love, breaking up and getting back together many times.

At the age of 28, Le Tuan Kh. (in Binh Tan District, Ho Chi Minh City) still has no love life. Kh.'s determination to use online dating apps to find his other half is now stronger than ever.

But the ending made him… fall backwards, surprised, bewildered!

Every time we broke up and got back together, we felt helpless but it was hard to get out. Both of us thought we were right instead of lowering our egos to keep the relationship. By the end, both of us were too tired so we just ended it.

Ms. TRAN KIM BAO (Hoc Mon district, Ho Chi Minh City)

"Daily flirting and ambiguous"

They also did all sorts of tricks to stand out, but it took nearly two months for someone to "swipe" back after thousands of "swipe" from Kh.. Whatever, it was better than nothing, so they both rushed into days of chatting all night long. After about two weeks, when they had finished chatting about everything, the couple decided to go on a date with dinner and a movie together.

Kh. said that the first meeting seemed quite impressive, making him dreamily think about the beautiful love story of a couple who were matched through a dating app, as Kh. had heard a few times. After a few meetings, before Kh.'s confession, his girlfriend bluntly said: "Just stay as you are now." While he was elated with the love vision he had drawn, Kh. suddenly felt like he was "spraying glue" after that unsuccessful confession.

But falling in love, Kh. accepted her friend's proposal. They both cared about each other, texted each other all night, then met up to go out, held hands, hugged and kissed, but they didn't become lovers! For seven months, they both felt that they had feelings for each other, but their relationship was still just a "flirty and ambiguous" relationship.

In another case, Han (25 years old, living in Ho Chi Minh City) is beautiful and attracts many satellites. Han said she has been in love three times, but the love that went nowhere left the most memories for her. That was the person Han met on the flight to Da Lat.

After a period of texting back and forth, it was Han who fell in love. There was not a day that passed without the young couple calling each other and the calls were never less than two hours. As for texting, picking them up, and dating, there was no end to the number of times they talked.

Han believed that the other person was a good person. Han knew all of his personal information, family, and work. The girl did not know when she fell in love. She was impatient because after four months of dating and all kinds of things, he still did not say anything.

Han wanted to "have a word" and also thought that the other person was probably a bit shy. But when the girl mentioned love, the guy said straight out: "I just want both of us to stay like this, still texting and calling, going out to eat, traveling, having fun together but don't attach any responsibility to each other."

Of course, Han was not satisfied with the "above friendship, below love" relationship that the other party wanted. She immediately withdrew, not wanting to be ambiguous even though he tried to hold on many times.

Not all, but there are still young people who accept the "ambiguous flirting" style in a relationship that is thought to be love - Illustration: Q.DINH

"Love poisoning" because of reheating

There is a type of love that exists among today’s youth… microwave. This is a new term of Gen Z referring to couples who break up and fall in love again and again, like reheating food in the microwave.

Tran Quoc Cuong (in Thu Duc City, Ho Chi Minh City) still feels heartbroken every time he recalls his four-year relationship after many breakups, getting back together, breaking up again, and officially ending it not long ago. The 28-year-old man said "when we first fell in love, it was so much fun". But they only laughed for the first year, then the two started to argue and quarrel more.

His girlfriend blamed Cuong for not finding another source of income to save up for their future. Meanwhile, he was jealous because he thought his girlfriend was "flirting" with a male colleague, disrespecting him, and for countless other reasons.

Every time they argued, their anger reached its peak, one of them wanted to stop, but the other didn't care. "Once, we broke up for more than half a year, tried to date someone new to find a different feeling, but found it wasn't right, so we got back together. We broke up and got back together several times, but the most recent time, it was over, even though we had known each other for four years," Cuong said sadly.

In the same situation, Ms. Tran Kim Bao (in Hoc Mon district, Ho Chi Minh City) said that every time she breaks up and gets back together, she is very tired and exhausted because she is worried about whether the other person will beg to reconcile. In a year, she breaks up 4-5 times, each time lasting 1-2 weeks, sometimes up to a month.

"The last time we broke up, I still hoped to get back together like the previous times, but he seemed very determined, so I gave up. I will look at that to learn a lesson for future love affairs," Bao confided.

A small survey showed that up to 60% of young people asked said they had microwaved love. Cuong said that after a few times of "reheating and reheating", the feelings did not heat up but gradually cooled down, even causing "emotional poisoning" for each other. "So even though it was heartbreaking, both of us decided to let go because no matter how hard we tried, we couldn't save anything," Cuong said. (to be continued)

The relationship that Vietnamese youth call ambiguous "above friendship, below love" is called situationship in Western terms. Let's just imagine it as a kind of half-hearted relationship, more than friendship but definitely not, not wanting to be lovers.

Ambiguity sometimes makes people passionately enjoy the feeling of love and still comfortably say they are single, but there are times when they are not heartbroken.

Not ready for a committed relationship

The popular dating platform Tinder reported that in 2022, 49% of users worldwide added the friend-making purpose to their personal information page, in which ambiguous relationships were mentioned extremely often in this section.

According to data from this application, one in 10 single young people said they chose a situationship to avoid too much pressure in their relationship. Another survey also showed that up to 73% of young people questioned said they were not ready for a committed relationship.

Source: https://tuoitre.vn/dau-roi-yeu-nhu-thoi-ong-ba-anh-nay-bay-dan-dan-dieu-diu-map-mo-20241213095055628.htm