According to Chinese media, Ms. Li Jing and Mr. Zhang Qiang decided to break up after 5 years of living together because of incompatible personalities and inconsistent views. Some time later, Ms. Li Jing remarried her new husband, Mr. Wang Hui. Originally thinking that life would turn a new page, brighter and happier, unexpectedly after meeting through Li Jing, Zhang Yuang and Wang Hui became very close friends.
Not only did Li Jing’s two husbands, one old and one new, talk about life every day, they also made plans to watch football at home, have dinner, and play games together every weekend. At first, Li Jing didn’t care, thinking that Wang Hui had the right to freely make friends. However, as time passed, and the two men grew closer, Li Jing could no longer pretend that nothing was happening.
The attachment between her ex-husband and her new husband makes Ly Tinh feel uncomfortable. Illustrative photo
Last weekend, her ex-husband Truong Cuong came to dinner. During the meal, her ex-husband picked up food for Ly Tinh and said with a smile: "You've lost a lot of weight recently, you should eat a little more." At this moment, her current husband Vuong Huy added: "That's right, you're too skinny, you have to pay more attention to your health." After a while, Ly Tinh lost all appetite, she used a headache as an excuse to decline her ex-husband's invitation to go out.
Li Jing then mustered up the courage to tell Wang Hui that she never wanted to interfere in their friendship, but because Zhang Qiang and she had been married, she always felt uncomfortable when her ex-husband came to the house. After hearing this, Wang Hui apologized to his wife for not paying attention to her feelings, and promised to improve this complicated relationship.
Sure enough, after that, Truong Cuong rarely visited Ly Tinh and Vuong Huy's house, which made her feel relieved. However, she was still worried because the two men still kept in regular contact with each other.
After Li Jing's article was published, it sparked heated discussions. Some people criticized Li Jing's ex-husband as "a shameless person who interfered in his ex-wife's marriage so unintentionally." Some people also advised Li Jing to take a closer look at this strange relationship because it is very possible that she is just a front, someone who helps her new husband continue the family line.
Things to avoid when talking to your ex-husband
I regret our relationship
You may regret that it's over. But if you say you regret what you shared with him, that's an insult, but not to your ex, but to yourself.
“Such a statement criticizes yourself for the choices you've made,” says Richard A. Warshak, PhD, clinical professor of psychiatry and author of Divorce Poison.
Comparing your new partner to your ex will hurt your current relationship. Illustration photo
Expressing anger indirectly
Do you often express anger and frustration indirectly? "This often happens through texting," says Kavita Jhaveri-Patel, a relationship expert in the US.
“The ex-husband texts, ‘I’m coming to take the kids out,’ and if that doesn’t fit into her plans, she doesn’t say that, she just gets angry,” says Jhaveri-Patel. Or here’s another scenario: Your ex asks if you can still be friends. You say yes, and then get frustrated that he’s acting like a friend, so you respond with curt text messages. In these cases, your words don’t match your actions, she says.
If you're not ready to be friends, let him know gently. "I appreciate your intentions, but we need to take a break from communication for a while. I'll reach out to you when I'm ready. Until then, we shouldn't text each other."
My new boyfriend is more thoughtful, funnier, and better at sex than you.
Comparing your new love to your ex will hurt your current relationship. You are using your new love as a "pawn" to make your ex jealous. Also, if your ex has already gotten over the breakup and is dating someone new, what you are doing will make you look silly and ridiculous.
There's really no reason for you to do that if you have a thoughtful, funny, and sexy man at home.
Tell me what still hurts about our breakup
It would be cruel to interrupt your ex's sobbing moment. But being his shoulder to cry on is completely counterproductive for both you and him. "You're giving him the illusion that you'll get back together," says Judy Rabinor, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of Befriending Your Ex After Divorce.
“You need to say, ‘I think it's best if you don't talk to me about this anymore. I'm sorry if you feel hurt, but this really isn't helping you.”
Suggest that he see a therapist or talk to a trusted friend. If you start to feel guilty, remind yourself that you're not helping him by constantly bringing up your relationship.
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