I myself learned a lesson about the question "Do you like learning this subject?" after "forcing" my child to learn chess.
Secretly wish my child would love chess
The kids' final exams had just ended, so I immediately asked a colleague about a reliable chess school for her 5th grade daughter to study. Her daughter, also a 5th grader, had just achieved high results in the town and provincial chess competitions. Looking at "other people's children", I secretly wished that my own child would be as passionate about the intellectual competition in each chess game.
My daughter does not attend extra math or Vietnamese classes, so she has a lot of free time. Except for the two weekend mornings when she studies foreign languages, I think she can use most of her remaining time to pursue her passion for chess. Telling myself that, I feel secure with my plan to nurture her chess. This is something I dreamed of when I was a child but did not follow through with my dream.
Many parents register their children for extra classes after school and during the summer.
"Do I have a choice, Mom?"
Picking up my child, I told him about the hard work I had put in to inquiring about chess classes, finding the address to register with the teacher, and arranging a reasonable class schedule. I happily showed him about the talented teacher who was famous for training young chess players, then invited him to go to the bookstore to buy a beautiful chess set for the coming days.
Contrary to my excitement, my daughter listened quietly and then softly asked: "Do I have the right to choose, Mom?". I was startled, confused and then signaled in agreement. She slowly arranged her words and then calmly expressed her desire not to participate in chess training because she did not really enjoy the intellectual competition on the chessboard.
Seeing me deep in thought, my child continued to talk excitedly about his dream of becoming a fashion designer. His eyes were filled with enthusiasm as he talked about the designs of clothes that he and his close friends drew every day. The 5th graders who shared the same dream sketched out ideas for their fashion design studio, what to name it to make it impressive, how to decorate it, who would be in charge of what…
She also talked about her future side job: comic book author. The short, humorous stories written by her childish pen flashed through my mind. Then the scene of how my mother and I used to read and laugh at each of her new "creations"...
I wonder: A child who loves drawing and creating is forced to pursue a subject that he lacks passion for? Is the child's childhood dream being forced to change direction just because of the dreams and passions of adults? I always hope that my children will find happiness in their education, but do I want them to take difficult steps with a subject that they have no talent for?
Young chess player Nguyen Doan Nhat Thien (right) of Kien Giang competes with his opponent in the rapid chess event at the 2022 National Team Chess Championship
I was startled to realize that I had never asked "Do you like studying this subject?". I was busy pursuing the passion I had missed out on as a child. I was busy drawing beautiful visions of the days when my child would spend time on the chess board, competing and achieving. And I was busy fantasizing about the achievements my child could achieve like "other people's children"...
I realized that I was wrong to think that children would be happy with the choices of adults. Listening to my child’s heart, I decided to cancel the chess class registration plan and told myself that I would gradually practice the habit of asking for children’s opinions…
And you, have you ever asked 'Do you like this subject?'?
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