GĐXH - Jennifer Breheny Wallace, a parenting researcher and graduate of Harvard University, warns that many parents have adopted methods that make their children more self-conscious.
Any parent wants to do everything in their power to help their child succeed in school.
They can hire private tutors, enroll their children in extracurricular activities, and even sign them up for expensive summer programs.
But parenting researcher Jennifer Breheny Wallace warns that these investments may be stifling children's motivation to learn, rather than boosting it. She calls this phenomenon the "encore effect."
To help kids separate achievement from self-worth, Wallace advises parents to "deny the premise" that there is only one path to success.
“Children, especially in wealthy communities, may bear a special burden of replicating the wealth of their parents. In a world of growing inequality, parents and children understand that success is no longer easy. Unlike in the past, we no longer have a guarantee that each generation will achieve the same or surpass the previous generation,” Wallace told CNBC.
Jennifer Breheny Wallace is a parenting researcher and graduate of Harvard University. She is also the author of Never Enough: When Achievement Pressure Becomes Toxic - and What We Can Do About It?
Parents putting pressure on their children to be as financially successful as they are is not unique to this generation. Children face this pressure at all times.
Tuition and fees have increased significantly over the past 20 years. Home prices are also significantly higher today than when many parents bought their first home.
In 1990, the median selling price of a home in the United States was $149,075, according to data from the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis. Today, that amount of money has the purchasing power equivalent of about $360,000.
During his research, Wallace interviewed an eighth-grade boy who said he wanted to be an architect when he grew up.
But as he grew up and looked at the average salary of an architect and the price of his own house, the boy became frustrated because he could not afford to repair his own house.
According to Wallace, "Children who cannot replicate what their parents have done may be seen as unable to measure up to their parents and may feel like failures for not being as successful as their parents."
Modern life has consequences for the mental and physical health of children. Parents today spend more time caring for and closely monitoring their children than before.
They set many goals for their children's daily development. Any parent expects their children to be successful in the future.
However, sometimes putting too much pressure on your child can backfire.
Sometimes putting too much pressure on your child will have the opposite effect. Illustration photo
Here are 3 things children are likely to encounter if they live in a family where parents have too high expectations of their children:
Depriving children of opportunities, independence and passion
Parents have always felt responsible for the development of their children. However, parenting is expected to require parents to "observe, pay attention, and respond to their children's wishes and behaviors" in today's society.
As a result, children have fewer opportunities to learn about the risks and dangers of playing outdoors. In addition, children are becoming less active, spending more time using technology and less time playing with their peers.
Parents are encouraged to spend more time with their children while still allowing them to be independent.
But most of that learning about independence happens when children take risks of their own choosing and explore. And these opportunities for self-discovery are being lost in childhood.
“Parenting is no longer simply a human trait, but an expectation of perfection,” said Dr John Day (University of Essex). “Parents and their children are trapped together in this scenario, so future planners need to re-evaluate the problem and find ways to change it for the next generation.”
Pressure to study well and achieve high results... deprives children of the opportunity to pursue their passions and interests.
Sometimes things have to be put on hold or dropped just to do what parents think is best.
The pressure on children to study well and achieve high results... deprives them of the opportunity to pursue their passions and interests. Illustrative photo
Prone to mental disorders, depression
Academic pressure can also come from the emphasis on achievement from schools or parents.
In addition, sometimes children put pressure on themselves because they do not want to be inferior to their friends or set demands that are higher than their abilities.
Children under pressure from studying or anything else in life are prone to psychological changes such as anxiety, stress, and gradually become afraid of studying. Children may become afraid and not want to continue studying.
This can lead to insomnia, poor concentration, poor appetite, and even physical illnesses such as physical weakness and weight loss.
In addition to studying, parents need to ensure that their children have balanced, relaxing activities such as participating in entertainment, playing sports, outdoor activities...
While some children love to study, many others have their own passions. What parents should do is support and create conditions to help their children develop instead of forcing them to do what their parents want.
Do everything just because your parents want you to.
As a parent, you always want your child to succeed in every area of life.
You want the best for your children, you dream of them getting into the most prestigious colleges and universities, mastering every subject and being at the top of their class.
However, these expectations sometimes exceed your child's capabilities. Your expectations become difficult to meet, leading to more pressure on you and turning into anxiety for your child.
The primary cause of this pressure comes from concerns about the welfare of children and their employment.
Another factor is that the parents' previous goals were unattainable; therefore, they try to apply the same dream to their child, leading to confusion for the child.
The results of these actions are often unhealthy.
Although pressure is mostly based on good intentions, sometimes parents can go beyond what is acceptable for their children.
As a student, you will constantly seek approval from your parents. Even a slight display of disappointment can put you in a bad mental state.
Your child will begin to question his or her abilities, gradually feel fearful, anxious, and get involved in other mental illnesses.
Source: https://giadinh.suckhoedoisong.vn/chuyen-gia-tu-harvard-mot-hanh-dong-cha-me-tuong-hay-nhung-lai-huy-hoai-su-tu-tin-cua-tre-nghiem-trong-172250306112834023.htm
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