Australian son-in-law tells story of following Vietnamese customs when marrying

'Marrying a Vietnamese woman is not simply connecting with an individual but connecting your soul with an entire clan', Mr. Ray Kuschert told the story of 'when in Rome, do as the Romans do' when marrying a Vietnamese woman.

Author Ray Kuschert and his wife at their wedding in Binh Duong in 2021 - Photo: NVCC

* The article represents the personal views of the author Ray Kuschert, an Australian who has lived in Vietnam for more than 10 years. Translated by Tuoi Tre Online. We got married in 2021, and with that marriage, I realized that I was entering a completely new culture with a new Vietnamese family, living 50km from Ho Chi Minh City.

"Consequences" of marrying a Vietnamese woman

Eating out is also quite a hassle. Like most Vietnamese families, my wife’s family has carbohydrate-rich meals with lots of rice. And for an overweight Australian like me, that’s a challenge, as I seem to gain weight every time I visit my wife’s family.

Rice is a popular dish in almost every Vietnamese meal - Photo: M.THUONG

Furthermore, on special occasions such as birthdays, holidays, and Tet, I discovered that a “consequence” of marriage was a noticeable increase in weight, as my body struggled to adapt to the “celebratory” diet. The next problem was communication. No one in the family spoke English except my wife, and although my Vietnamese communication level was quite good, it was not easy to be close and comfortable when living with the extended family. Fortunately, my mother-in-law and her entire family were extremely kind people. They tried to communicate and welcomed me warmly, despite the difficulties that my “foreign” son-in-law brought. Once the communication barrier was somewhat overcome, the biggest challenge of this period of my life came: when in Rome, do as the Romans do, adapting to local customs. Even simple things like addressing someone when visiting my aunt, uncle, or cousin, or knowing the proper etiquette when sitting at the same table with relatives…all caused me some difficulty. After 5 years, I gradually became more knowledgeable and these customs became easier, although I am still in the process of perfecting myself.

The wedding of Mr. Ray Kuschert (Australian) and Ms. Vu Thi Loan was performed according to Vietnamese rituals - Photo: NVCC

Another thing I want to talk about is the concept of privacy. Back home, it was very common for people to sleep together or share a room, which created a level of intimacy that was far beyond what I had experienced, even when living with my family in Australia. At first, I felt uncomfortable because of the constant interaction with others. Then I tried to find a balance, changed my attitude, and with understanding from my wife, after 3 years of living together and 5 years together in total, I understood the close connection and care in my wife's family.

Marrying a Vietnamese woman: not just a personal bond

I know that every family is different and that it is impossible to generalize Vietnamese culture by looking at one family. I am sure that many foreigners have had very different experiences than I have, both happy and sad, but overall, I feel truly fortunate to have been accepted and treated with kindness by people who care and love me. My new family, especially my wonderful mother-in-law, has helped me understand Vietnamese culture more deeply and for that I am forever grateful. I have learned that marrying a Vietnamese woman is not simply a commitment to an individual but a connection of your soul to an entire family. It is a union woven alive with rituals, cuisine, values ​​and love that goes far beyond “just two people”. For anyone who is integrated into this culture, open your heart to experience, immerse yourself in the teachings, and accept the cultural rituals. You have the heart of a Vietnamese, and that heart will take you to the core of the culture - a vibrant world that you will forever be grateful to call your own.

Tuoitre.vn