October 20: When Vietnamese women are stuck between countless prejudices, they become 'superheroes' to save their families
Báo Thanh niên•20/10/2024
'Must know how to take care of the family, must know how to raise children, must be beautiful, must know how to do business, must have a good career...', amidst the myriad of expectations from family and society like that, many women feel 'trapped'. What path should women choose?
Deciding to get married at the age of 23, Linh Chi (now 40 years old, living in Ho Chi Minh City) was disoriented after giving birth to her first child because she saw all her friends "becoming this or that" while she was unemployed. Chi's child had a congenital disability, so she could not return to work after maternity leave. "There were times when I was so tired that I fell asleep, missed a physical therapy session for my child and felt extremely guilty. The fear that my child would not get well weighed on my mind every night," the woman recalled. After nearly 3 years of staying at home to take care of her child with countless pressures, Chi felt that she was falling behind her friends and society. Chi wanted to go to work, but because she had stayed at home for too long, she felt self-conscious and afraid that she could not keep up. But if she accepted to be a housewife, the mother felt it was too much of a pity for her youth. Not to mention, Chi did not want to be known as a "dependent on her husband". "I remember I used to have a lot of ambitions. Why did I have to quit my job to take care of my child when we both became parents, while my husband could still focus on his career?" Chi confided and decided to "spread out his CV".
A group of mostly women took their children to the park to play.
Photo: Phan Diep
Don't assume anything... for anyone.
Modern Vietnamese women are still inheriting a "legacy" from feudal society, which is gender inequality. Since ancient times, in an agricultural economy like Vietnam, women were assumed to be the ones who cook, take care of children and "earn extra money" in the family... These roles of women are not negative, but are considered top priority. Therefore, women's development is limited within the family. Self-development, career or becoming a person with a social position is considered secondary.
The 2021 Vietnam Gender and Labor Market Study by the International Labor Organization (ILO) shows that on average, women work 59 hours per week, while men work 50 hours. Of which, women spend twice as much time on housework as men.
However, Vietnam is not the only one, the Global Gender Gap Report 2023 of the World Economic Forum (WEF) said that progress towards achieving global gender equality is slowing down. It is estimated that women will not be able to achieve equality with men for another 131 years. Also according to WEF, Vietnam's gender gap index in 2023 ranked 72nd out of 146 countries participating in the ranking, up 11 places compared to 2022. From the general picture of the global gender gap and Vietnam's increase in the gender gap index in 2023, the author has the following opinion: First, the current reality shows that Vietnamese women are different from the past. They go to school, work to earn money and have a position in society that is not inferior to men. However, because of the above-mentioned defaults, women seem to "bear" more pressure from family and society. Not everyone can overcome the pressure to freely choose to follow the path they want.
Mr. Nghiem Hoai Thanh (44 years old, in Binh Thanh District) attended a baking class to make cakes for his wife and children.
Photo: Phan Diep
Second, within the framework of this article, the author emphasizes that narrowing the gender gap does not mean that women have to try to prove that "if men can do it, we can do it too". Or, leveling the achievements of men and women to compare. In fact, in terms of human physiology, the mere fact that women have their period every month is different from men. From there, there are certain inconveniences that cannot be compared with men. The author believes that, before society achieves equality between men and women in the future, right now, we need to clearly understand how gender inequality affects women and men. Starting from the smallest things, perhaps both men and women in society should eliminate the prejudice that this is only for women, that is only for men.
A man is doing what is considered a rather dangerous job of cleaning the windows of a high-rise building.
Photo: Phan Diep
Instead of renewing contracts for these people, the company chose to cut them. Pregnant mothers and mothers with young children are under the 'double pressure' of raising children and economic pressure when unemployed.
Ms. Tran Thi Ngoc Thao
Mr. Van Quoc (42 years old), Linh Chi's husband, believes that not only women but also men have their own pressures. That is the pressure of success, having to be the economic pillar of the family, taking care of the family... "I cannot understand the suffering of my wife when giving birth to a disabled child, but I cried many times at night when I failed in my investment, lost a large sum of money and then became unemployed for 2 months. It was a lot of pressure, when the rent, milk, and daily food expenses kept pressing on my back," said Mr. Quoc.
Which way for women?
Now that her son has grown up and has an official labor contract at a private company, Chi said she sometimes struggles to find a balance between developing herself for promotion and the fear of not being able to take good care of her family with delicious, on-time meals. Not to mention, at the age of 40, Chi always has to listen to advice from relatives that she should have more children, while the "psychological trauma" from her first disabled child still haunts her.
The most important thing is that women must recognize their own characteristics and strengths in order to find opportunities for themselves. The second thing is to emphasize the need to define goals. Women themselves need to clearly understand who they want to be and what kind of person they want to be before they can start to chart a path towards that goal. The person who can change their destiny is none other than... themselves.
Dr. of Psychology Dao Le Hoa An
After going to work, as scheduled, every time the company celebrates International Women's Day on March 8 or Vietnamese Women's Day on October 20, Linh Chi is celebrated by a party. "The last message that male colleagues sent us was a beautiful wish, wishing women to be good at work and good at home," Chi recounted, adding that those wishes also made her feel suffocated. "The pressure of trying to do everything well, both in family and career," Chi expressed.
A group of women participate in outdoor activities to celebrate International Yoga Day - June 21 at Nguyen Hue walking street (HCMC)
Photo: Phan Diep
Ms. Tran Thi Ngoc Thao - founder of the HR Talks human resources community with more than 70,000 members on Facebook social network said that at the end of last year, group members noticed that companies were cutting employees, the majority of whom were pregnant women and women with young children. "Instead of renewing contracts for these people, companies choose to cut. Pregnant mothers and mothers with young children are under 'double pressure' in raising children and economic pressure when unemployed," she said. This is also a testament to the disadvantage of women compared to men when the "sacred mission of motherhood" and "the path to advancement" sometimes cannot go hand in hand. The 2021 Vietnam Gender and Labor Market Study by the International Labor Organization (ILO) said that on average, women work 59 hours per week, while men work 50 hours. Of which, women's housework time is twice as long as men's.
Dr. - Lawyer Nguyen Thi Thuy Huong and Dr. of Psychology Dao Le Hoa An shared in the discussion on the topic "Women - Be the most beautiful version of yourself"
Photo: Phan Diep
So, what is the way for women? Dr. - Lawyer Nguyen Thi Thuy Huong - Head of the Department of Foreign Affairs and International Cooperation, Vietnam Lawyers' Commercial Arbitration Center said that the common mentality of many people, not just women, often blames circumstances. For example, some people lament that because they sacrifice for their families, they do not have time to develop their careers and pursue their dreams. Regarding this, Dr. - Lawyer Thuy Huong said that this is a blame. If women really want to take care of their families and voluntarily sacrifice, they should be happy and proud of that. On the contrary, if women want to take care of their families and develop their careers, there is no other way but to spend time pursuing their goals. "Do not compare yourself with others. You have to be the one to choose, make decisions and not regret. That is the sense of responsibility for yourself and your life", Dr. - Lawyer Thuy Huong advised.
Don't compare yourself to others. You have to be the one to choose, make decisions and not regret. That is the sense of responsibility towards yourself and life.
TS – LS Thuy Huong
Before demanding an equal view from society, women must first "get out of the jam" themselves. Linh Chi knows that she is still passionate about her career and wants to contribute, so she applied for a job after her child went to kindergarten. Mr. Van Quoc supports his wife's career, so he proactively takes on the responsibility of taking the child to school and helping with housework. Psychologist Dao Le Hoa An - Strategic Director of JobWay Center for Applied Psychology and Career Guidance shared: "The most important thing is that women must recognize their own characteristics and strengths, then find opportunities for themselves. The second thing is to emphasize the need to define goals. A woman herself needs to clearly understand who she wants to be and what kind of person she wants to be before she can start charting the path towards that goal. The person who can change her destiny is none other than... herself."
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