Illustration: cuoi.tuoitre.vn
The recent trend of some parents giving their children "huge" dowries on their wedding day has sparked much debate among readers.
Most recently, news of the deputy chairman of Giang Thanh district, Kien Giang province, giving his daughter 600 acres of land (equivalent to 90 billion VND) on her wedding day caused a stir in public opinion. However, the deputy chairman claimed that his wife had misspoken.
In Vietnamese culture, the practice of giving dowry to the bride and gifts to the groom is common, depending on the financial circumstances of each family.
But how to give in a way that is reasonable, how to give in a way that everyone understands, without causing trouble for the giver, the receiver, or public opinion, that is something worth discussing.
To offer another perspective, here is an article by reader Nguyen Vu Moc Thieng sent to Tuoi Tre Online.
It's not the gift itself, but the way it's given.
Vietnamese tradition considers marriage one of the three most important events in a person's life: "Buying a buffalo - Getting married (including giving the wife away in marriage) - Building a house."
Therefore, when marrying off their daughters, most Vietnamese families give them a dowry.
The giving of dowry to the bride and gifts to the groom demonstrates the respect of the family and relatives for their children and grandchildren, along with blessings for the new family.
But even if it's considered a form of showing off, as some instances of "showing off" have been mentioned in public opinion, what do the giver and receiver gain besides unnecessary trouble?
And are such extravagant weddings any happier or more lasting than simple, modest, and intimate ones?
I've witnessed some young people from well-off families having simple weddings, with only the two families and close friends present. The rest were just "announcement" invitations because they didn't want to feel indebted to each other.
On another level, showing off wealth and giving children excessive dowries in weddings can negatively impact their independence, encourage a materialistic lifestyle, and create a rich-poor divide.
Boasting and ostentation can encroach upon traditional moral values.
If you want to give money to help your daughter or son-in-law start a business, there are many ways to do it, it doesn't necessarily have to happen during the wedding ceremony and be publicly announced.
The Vietnamese have a very insightful proverb: "It's not the gift itself, but the way it's given."
When you're young and sitting on a pile of money, how can you understand the value of money?
I have quite a few foreign friends who were invited to weddings in Vietnam, witnessing the lavish parties and the parents of both sides giving out "huge" dowries.
Some people have asked, "Is it because Vietnamese weddings are so complicated and expensive that Vietnamese people are less likely to divorce?"
Having traveled extensively and attended many weddings of Western friends, I've learned that their approach is to organize events in a simple yet dignified manner.
In particular, many young Westerners value independence, considering it a core value and strongly disapproving of relying on their parents.
Conversely, for parents, no matter how much they love their children, weddings don't involve showing off the dowry like in Vietnam.
They believe that someone who has just started their own family and is already sitting on a pile of wealth cannot possibly understand the value of money, let alone have the ability to manage it and continue the family business.
One must know how to "save for a rainy day."
My wife and I organize weddings for our children, and besides the traditional items that are mandatory, to make sure our children don't feel left out, we try our best to provide everything they need. But on the wedding day, we don't give or promise anything at all.
When our children graduate from university and start working, we talk to them about how, if they want to get married, they should move out and live separately right after the wedding; they shouldn't live with their parents. If they don't have their own house yet, they can rent an apartment together.
Although we own land and a house, we intend to give them to our children later, at some point.
My children knew their place, so they worked hard, saved up, and bought land to build a house before getting married. The in-laws knew, but didn't dare say anything. If they did, it would only be "those parents are stingy" at most.
We taught our children to be responsible for themselves. They had to learn to work and be independent. They had to learn to save for a rainy day.
A son surpassing his father brings blessings to the family. No matter how wealthy the parents are, if the children lack ambition, their wealth will be squandered. We don't need anyone's praise, nor are we afraid of anyone's criticism.
Reader thie****@gmail.com
Comment (0)