The rebellious phase in children and parental pressure.

With children going through puberty, many parents complain of feeling pressured, even helpless, as their children become rebellious, disobedient, and prone to following peer trends. Faced with this situation, many have chosen a strict approach to discipline their children, but the results are often unsatisfactory and sometimes even counterproductive!

Puberty = rebellion?

Suppressing a sigh and gazing into the distance to hide the helplessness in her teary eyes, Ms. KM ( Bac Lieu City) shared: “Sometimes I feel so sad. I even wondered if this was really the son I had risked my life to give birth to 16 years ago. Although I've tried to comfort myself many times, telling myself that children at this age are going through psychological and emotional changes, wanting to prove they are mature and independent individuals, I never imagined that his stubbornness would go so far as to want to rebel like this.”

For nearly two years, Ms. KM hasn't had a good night's sleep because of her "headache" dealing with her teenage son. From a well-behaved, understanding, and affectionate boy who always smiled even when his parents complained, he seemed to have completely transformed after entering high school. He became difficult to manage, even arguing fiercely whenever his parents tried to correct him. On one occasion, Ms. KM was called in by his homeroom teacher after discovering he was secretly smoking shisha with a group of friends, and his academic performance began to decline. The family atmosphere became stifling; mealtimes were no longer filled with laughter but with reprimands, and sometimes her son would angrily storm off to his room.

Although both her parents were literature teachers and had gentle personalities, TT (from Dong Hai district) was a child with a strong personality. As she entered adolescence, she became increasingly stubborn and rebellious, causing her parents and family a series of shocks. In 7th grade, she started dressing up whenever she went to class or left the house. In 9th grade, she became involved in romantic relationships, frequently skipping classes to hang out with friends. During her three years of high school, she nearly committed suicide because of a blind love affair with a classmate. Fortunately, TT managed to recover and went to university, but before her final year, her parents had to rush to prepare for a "shotgun wedding" due to the pregnancy. It's heartbreaking for TT's parents, who had to face so many shocks, from surprise and confusion to despair, but what could they do when their child was so reckless?

A group of young people gathered to smoke shisha. Photo: D.KC

Show empathy to "cool down" hot heads.

According to psychological experts, the issue of children becoming stubborn and rebellious during adolescence is a problem many families are facing. At this age, in addition to rapid physical development, children also experience significant psychological changes, along with a desire to assert their individuality. There are many ways for children to assert themselves during adolescence; some choose to stand out through rebellion, only to then spiral into delinquency, troublemaking, and chasing after trends…

During this stage, without the guidance and support of adults to analyze right and wrong and set boundaries, negative behaviors can easily become ingrained in a child's personality, negatively impacting their character and future development. However, in reality, not all parents handle rebellious behavior skillfully; many make the mistake of resorting to harsh measures such as beating or forbidding. But the more you forbid something, the more likely children are to resist, believing their parents don't understand them, becoming increasingly hurt, and even contemplating suicide! The gap between parents and children will widen.

Experts believe that adolescence is a time for children to explore their personal identity, so "losing their way" is inevitable! Therefore, instead of scolding or harshly criticizing their children, parents need to be understanding and supportive to help them navigate this stage of "asserting their individuality." When children make mistakes, parents should empathize, put themselves in their child's shoes, listen, and analyze the right and wrong of each action. Spend more time talking with your children, helping them understand that parents are trustworthy "big friends" who are always there to support and empathize with them on every step of their growth. Parents should learn to control their ego in communication and behavior; learn to be patient and restrain their anger in the face of their children's rebellious behavior.

There's no one-size-fits-all formula for educating every child. But it's certain that every child in their awkward teenage years needs attention, sharing, and understanding. Therefore, on their journey through adolescence, alongside the support of parents and family, teachers should also be their most trustworthy friends!

Kim Truc

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