Having children in puberty, many parents complain of feeling pressured, even helpless when their children become stubborn, unruly and tend to follow their friends. Faced with this situation, many people have chosen a tough solution to discipline their children, but the results are not as expected, sometimes even causing the opposite effect!
Puberty = rebellion?
Holding back a sigh, looking into the distance to hide the helplessness in her tear-filled eyes, Ms. KM (Bac Lieu City) shared: “Many times, feeling very sad, I used to wonder if this was the son that I had to risk my life to give birth to 16 years ago. Although I have consoled myself many times, my son is changing his psychology at this age, wanting to prove that he is mature and an independent individual, but I did not expect his stubbornness to go so far as to want to rebel like this.”
For nearly 2 years, Ms. KM has never had a good night's sleep because she has a "headache" with her son who is in the age of growing up. From a well-behaved, understanding, emotional boy who always smiled happily when his parents complained, after preparing to enter high school, he seems to have completely "changed", becoming difficult to manage, even arguing fiercely when his parents reminded him. Once, Ms. KM was invited by the homeroom teacher to talk because she discovered that her son was secretly smoking shisha with a group of friends and his academic results began to decline. The family atmosphere became suffocating, meals were no longer filled with laughter but instead were scolding, sometimes her son angrily left the meal and went into his room.
Although both parents are literature teachers and have a gentle temperament, TT (Dong Hai district) is a child with a strong personality. When she entered puberty, she became more and more stubborn and rebellious, causing her parents and family to suffer a series of shocks. In grade 7, she started dressing up every time she went to class or left the house. In grade 9, she fell into love affairs, often skipping classes to hang out with friends. In three years of high school, she almost had a suicidal thought because of her blind love for a classmate. Luckily, TT recovered and went to university, but before the end of the final year, TT's parents had to rush to prepare for the wedding to "avoid pregnancy". It was a pity for TT's parents when they had to face many shocks, from surprise, confusion to despair, but what could they do when their child was young and had to bear the consequences!
A group of young people gather to smoke shisha. Photo: D.KC
Be sympathetic to "cool down" "hot heads"
According to the analysis of psychological experts, the story of children becoming stubborn and rebellious during puberty is a problem that many families are facing. At this age, besides rapid physical development, children also have obvious changes in psychology, along with the desire to assert their individuality. There are many ways for children to assert themselves during puberty, some will choose to stand out by rebelling, only to slide down, fall, be disruptive, and compete...
During this period, if there is a lack of guidance and companionship from adults to analyze right and wrong, and set limits, negative expressions can gradually become a rut in the child's personality, negatively affecting the child's character and development later on. However, in reality, not all parents behave tactfully when their children rebel, many even make mistakes when applying strong measures such as beating and forbidding. But the more they forbid, the more the child tends to resist, thinking that their parents do not understand them, becoming more and more hurt, even thinking of suicide! The distance between parents and children will become further and further.
Experts say that puberty is the time for children to explore their personal identity, so "going astray" is inevitable! Therefore, instead of scolding or criticizing children harshly, parents need to be tolerant to help their children overcome the stage of "affirming their ego". When children make mistakes, parents should sympathize, put themselves in their children's shoes to listen, and analyze the right and wrong in each behavior. Spend more time talking with your children, helping them understand that parents are trusted "big friends" who always accompany and sympathize with them on every journey and stage of growing up. Parents should learn to control their ego in communication and behavior; learn to be "patient" to control their anger in the face of their children's noise and rebellion.
There is no general formula for educating all children. But it is certain that all children at this age need care, sharing and understanding. Therefore, on the journey of puberty, besides the companionship of parents and family, teachers should also be the most trustworthy friends!
Kim Truc
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