A mother's story
In a post on social media, a woman named Aila honestly confided that after a year of suffering from bullying at work, she began to notice that she was easily angered and often scolded her 8-year-old son.
Realizing that she had psychological and behavioral problems, the mother shared her story on social media, hoping to receive sympathy and advice.
"I have been suffering from workplace bullying for the past year. The unhealthy competition in the workplace is so terrible that it leads to negative states. Even when I achieve good results, I am not happy. My colleagues gossip, envy, and play dirty tricks, which have severely affected my psychology.
Faced with negative issues at work, I found myself becoming irritable and often scolding my young son. Looking back, I often find myself being unreasonable and even cruel to my son. I fear that the negativity at work has made me lose my sanity...", the mother confided.
The woman said she valued her job very much and did not want to quit so easily. She had raised the issue with her superiors but the situation had not improved.
Aila said that although she realized she had problems with the way she treated her child, and sometimes even felt regretful, every time she got angry, she still couldn't control herself.
Aila's story is causing controversy on Malaysian social media, opening up further discussions about workplace bullying, as well as parental mental health issues.
"Many times, parents' anger is not because of what their children have done. The real reason behind the anger is dissatisfaction with married life, work pressure, financial difficulties... Parents easily vent their psychological frustrations on their children," commented a netizen.
Parents should only teach their children when they are calm (Illustration: SCMP).
How should parents control anger?
The pressures of life are a common reason why parents lose control of their children. However, when we calm down, we often realize that things would have been handled better if we had kept our cool.
However, when anger "rises", parents' ability to control themselves decreases a lot. This is also... normal from a psychological perspective. However, being a parent requires parents to know how to control themselves, especially anger, because uncontrolled anger is very harmful to raising children.
The most important thing parents need to remember about anger is not to act when angry. At that time, parents tend to want to act immediately, want to teach their children immediately, but that need is due to anger "speaking up".
Parents should only teach their children when they are calm. At that time, the teachings will be more educational and therefore, children will absorb them more easily.
Don't scold, teach, or punish your child when you are angry. Parents who get angry often will make their children learn from them. Meanwhile, controlling your own psychology and behavior is a very important skill.
Children observe their parents' anger. Parents who know how to handle anger will teach their children the skills to control themselves even in the midst of anger. To control anger, parents should keep a few things in mind.
Set limits on anger
Parents should set limits on their anger when facing their children, such as not hitting, yelling, disciplining, or punishing their children while they are still angry.
In addition, parents also need to learn how to communicate with their children when they are not in a good mood. Gently tell your children: "Right now, your parents are tired, please keep quiet, do your work, and don't be naughty at this time." Such easy-to-understand, gentle instructions can have unexpected effects.
Life pressure is a common reason why parents lose control over their children (Illustration: iStock).
Calm down before you act
When you find yourself getting angry, tell yourself: stop, take a deep breath. Remember that there is no emergency, you do not need to act immediately.
Find a reason to laugh, even if you force yourself to laugh, you create a positive signal for the nervous system, helping to calm emotions, and you will feel calmer.
If you are often angry, give yourself 20 minutes a day to sit quietly. Every time you control your anger, you increase your self-control.
In fact, behind anger is always fear, sadness, disappointment..., you will have to understand your deepest emotions to solve the problem at its root.
"Withdrew"
When you are angry, give yourself a temporary retreat and only come back when you are calmer. When you are angry in front of your children, parents should temporarily return to their own room or corner.
If your child is old enough to sit alone, calmly say, "We're too angry to talk to you right now. We'll talk about this again when we're calmer."
Pausing the conversation does not mean you are spoiling your child or being helpless. In fact, pausing the conversation will help your child understand the seriousness of the situation. In addition, your child will see how you control yourself when you are angry.
If your child is young and you don't want to leave him alone, you can sit away from him and take deep breaths to calm down.
Listen to the anger
The best way to deal with anger is to try to calm down, clearly identify the problem and what needs to change to improve the situation. When it comes to parenting, the problem often lies with the parents themselves. Maybe parents need to provide better guidance, need to give some clearer rules for their children to follow.
The more you vent, the angrier you get.
We think we need to let our anger out to cool it down, but in reality letting it out only makes us lose control and our anger can escalate to a much more terrible level than we expected. When we calm down, we may feel regretful for hurting our children in a moment of anger. The answer to any anger is to calm down first.
Angry parents will create a negative atmosphere in the family (Illustration: Getty Image).
Don't rush to punish your child.
Make it a habit not to act when you are angry. Delay the conversation and punishment until you are calm. During that time, parents and children still need to work and study normally.
When you sit down to talk, you need to listen to your child and respond appropriately and respectfully. The most important thing in every conversation about your child's mistakes is that parents and children must determine limits together. This will help your child learn to control himself and reduce the things that make parents angry or upset.
Do not punish children
Education experts never support the practice of punishing young children, because this action has a negative impact on children's development and can leave long-term psychological effects.
Parents always need to control themselves in front of their children. When they feel they are too angry and may lose control, parents should leave the room. In case parents have behaved out of control towards their children and feel regretful, parents should sincerely apologize to their children.
Don't threaten
Do not beat, but parents should not threaten their children with words, because this spreads unhealthy fear. Moreover, threats are often exaggerated, when children realize this truth, the parents' words will "lose authority", the children will become more stubborn and disobedient.
Voice and language control
The more you try to keep your voice calm, the quicker you will regain your composure. This will also calm your child. Raising your voice and using angry words will only cause both parent and child to lose control.
Don't be angry all the time
Angry parents create a negative atmosphere in the family, so don't get angry easily. You need to know what is important in raising children.
Small things like leaving things lying around can be frustrating, but don't get angry over small things. Remember, the more cheerful, gentle, and engaged you are with your child, the more likely he or she will listen to you.
According to SCMP/Psychology Today
Source: https://dantri.com.vn/giao-duc/tam-su-chua-chat-cua-nguoi-me-hanh-ha-con-trai-vi-bi-bat-nat-noi-cong-so-20240913183327250.htm
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