Parents compete to show off their achievements, I am depressed because my child has low scores

After long days of brain-wracking review with my child to pass the semester exam, I thought that when my child finished the exam, I would have time to rest and recover. However, when the school announced the exam results, parents in the class group competed to show off their scores, making me fall into a state of depression and more tired than before my child took the exam.

Little encouragement, much boasting

On normal days, the class group is mainly where the homeroom teacher announces the learning situation, school information, reminds people to pay money... In response to her messages, most people just like or leave a few short replies to confirm that they have read them. However, when the test scores are out, the class group becomes more lively, parents with children with high scores compete to send their report cards of all 9s and 10s to the group. They also do not hesitate to share them all over social networks.

To achieve such high results, the children must have worked very hard to study, and even endured some harshness from their parents. Showing off their achievements is also one of the ways parents acknowledge their efforts and encourage their children to continue to maintain their form.

Encourage children less but show off achievements more (Photo: T.T) — Encourage children less but show off achievements more (Photo: TT)

Appropriate praise not only helps children achieve higher grades but also motivates those with low grades to try harder. However, the messages in the class group are less positive and more about showing off rankings and scores, without any encouragement or motivation.

Besides showing off their children's achievements, these parents do not forget to share about the "extraordinary" things they have done for their children such as: braving the sun and rain to pick up and drop off their children, staying up late and waking up early to study with their children, choosing good teachers and good books... All of these things are done just to receive compliments and praise from others.

After telling the story of hardships and difficulties, there were always dozens of messages of congratulations and compliments from other parents, most of whom had children with high scores. This mutual praise made people like me whose children had low scores feel tired.

Children accidentally become victims

My son is in 8th grade this year, my husband and I agree that we do not place too much importance on grades. However, the fact that other parents constantly boast about their grades, while their children have low grades, has had a negative impact on me. Reading the transcripts and messages about the learning and revision process of the students with high scores, I could not help but scold them.

The questions I asked my son about why, despite taking extra classes with the same teacher, friend A got the highest score in class, while friend B got perfect scores in Math, Physics, Chemistry, etc., made him pale with worry. And then, when the anger passed, I blamed myself for the unreasonable scolding that made him scared and stressed. More than anyone, I know that my son tried very hard for the last semester's exam.

Showing off scores makes children unintentionally become victims.

There was a case where two students who were close friends suddenly stopped being friends with each other because their parents showed off their scores in a class group. The incident happened the other day on the way home from school, my child told me about two classmates who almost got into a fight because the mother of the one with the high score showed off in a class group, causing the one with the low score to be scolded by her mother, even though they were very close before.

I was shocked to hear the boy's story, it turns out that seemingly harmless actions of parents have such a big impact on their children. High scores and good achievements will certainly give more choices for the future, but that does not completely prove the individual's ability. At the same time, low scores do not mean that the children are not good.

It is difficult to comment on whether or not to show off your child's score, because after all, which parent is not proud of their child's results? Especially when those results are exchanged for so much sweat and effort of both the child and the parent.

However, I think parents with children with high scores should be more tactful in expressing their joy in class groups or on social networks so that parents of students with low scores like us will not feel sad. As well as not creating more pressure for their own children in exams because they always have to maintain the top results in class, in the grade.

Currently, my husband and I have both turned off notifications on our class chat group, waiting for the trend of showing off scores to pass, then turning them back on to update our children’s daily class information. I don’t want these frivolous trends to affect my emotions, and unintentionally make my husband and children angry.

Tran Thu Trang (Parent)

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