That is what I still do to maintain order in the family, "quell the chaos" with my children, avoid the situation of jealousy and comparison leading to family quarrels, or becoming rude, abandoning my parents when I have received my share like a 73-year-old reader confided on VTC News a few days ago.
Many readers may criticize me, saying that there is a problem with family when relatives still have to be defensive with each other, but that is the best way I can do to ensure family peace and a safe old age.
Every family has its own circumstances. My family has many children. Before allowing ourselves to retire, both my husband and I worked hard to build a business. We sent our four children to school, provided them with capital, experience, and connections to enter the business world.
So we have tried our best, not enough to raise our children to be perfect, without bad habits or petty calculations.
My children are also business people, and there are times when they need more capital, so it is understandable that they want to “look” at their parents’ money. However, I only support and invest in my children to a certain extent at the beginning, then let them swim on their own and bear the consequences of their decisions.
I want my children to stop thinking that if their business fails, they can ask their father to sell some of their assets to help pay off debts or invest in new businesses.
My view is that the assets will not be divided among the children while the couple is alive. They will inherit after the parents die. I will not publish the will I have made but it is clear that each child will have a share, fair but not equal, and the terms can be changed as long as I am legally competent.
That way, my extended family remains stable and strong, although it is inevitable that people will have different opinions. Although I am old and sick, I often have to stay in the hospital, and I always have to have someone to look after me at home, I have never been a weak person in the eyes of my children and grandchildren.
(Illustration: Shutterstock)
My opinions are always respected. Normally everyone laughs and jokes, but if I give orders, my children and grandchildren obey me. Even my daughters-in-law are sharp-witted, fierce in public but obedient at home.
Meanwhile, some of my acquaintances and relatives, who worked hard all their lives, gave everything to their children and grandchildren when they got old, thinking that they were old so why keep it, since they were going to give it to their children anyway, they might as well give it to them while they still needed it. And many of them regretted it.
Once they have nothing left, they suddenly find themselves in a passive, dependent position. If their children are filial, it is fine, but if they are unfilial, their old age will be extremely miserable. In fact, many old people, before being abandoned, rejected, and kicked out by their children, always thought their children were very good.
Therefore, the elderly should not let the joy and peace of their last years depend on their children or anyone else. They must always control and maintain the initiative in their own lives until the last minute. To do so, you must be financially independent.
If you have the means, you can give your children some capital to start a business, but never think of transferring all your assets to them because from then on, the money belongs to your children, you become the one being supported, your position will be different. At that time, whether you can enjoy your old age or not depends on the level of filial piety of your children, a matter of "luck or bad luck".
None of us can predict anything, whether it is money or human affairs. Keeping property is not only for ourselves, but also a way to keep our children from becoming immoral, because the saying "parents raise their children with the sky and the sea, children raise their parents with every day" that our ancestors said is true!
Source
Comment (0)