Boys need to be clearly masculine from a young age?
Recently, social networks have been in controversy over an article recruiting students for a course on "training masculinity for boys" posted by a Facebook account believed to belong to Dr. VTH, an independent education expert in Hanoi. Specifically, this is a course for children aged 9-15, with a tuition fee of 2 million VND, taught directly in Hanoi and opened in mid-March 2023.
The course "training masculinity for boys" caused controversy on social networks with thousands of interactions and shares.
In the article, Dr. H. asserted that treating children when they are young can cause instability later on. "A boy who is too whiny and cries a lot. A boy who whines and demands a lot. A boy who likes to wear girls' clothes. A boy who likes to play with girls. These cases can completely be the premise for a difficult problem to talk about," he wrote, then explained that the "difficult problem" is gender deviation.
According to Dr. H., parents must "always be clearly aware that their child is a boy, everything about their child needs to be clearly masculine from the beginning", and at the same time suggest some measures to educate boys about fashion sense, communication, behavior...
"Your child's belongings should be blue or dark colors, plaid, not flashy, bows, or ruffles; focus on communication between father and son as seriously as two men; always ask your child to do jobs that require muscles and protect family members, especially women; when forming a group of friends, absolutely do not let your child play alone in a group of girls...", the expert listed some methods of educating boys.
In the promotional poster, Dr. H. added that the course content includes sexual development during puberty, love and sexual issues, and rules for preventing abuse. The homosexual story is placed by the expert next to the issue of using banned substances such as marijuana, laughing gas, electronic cigarettes, etc.
According to Dr. H., boys must be educated to "behave" like men.
After being posted in early March, the article recently received many conflicting opinions from internet users, attracting thousands of interactions and shares. Most of them expressed their opposition and indignation at some of the views raised by Dr. H. such as how to "train boys to be masculine", same-sex love... and believed that these were outdated ideas, not suitable for modern society.
Huynh Pham Nghi Van, class 11A12, Nguyen Thi Minh Khai High School (HCMC), believes that the above way of raising children is not only gender-biased, but also unreasonable because sexual orientation is not related to gender development. "Forcing boys to be strong and not cry only makes it difficult for them to express their emotions, making them more likely to face psychological problems later on, and even giving rise to discrimination and contempt for the opposite sex or those with different sexual orientations," the female student said.
Similarly, Pham Tat Dat, a 12A2 student at the same school, also disagreed with Dr. H's main opinion. According to the male student, each person always has certain masculine and feminine qualities and needs to develop them in a positive, balanced way instead of forcing them. "Who says a decisive, strong person cannot be gentle and caring?", Dat said, adding that homosexuality is not a disease so "there is no need to treat or educate to prevent it".
Having followed many of Dr. H.'s sharing sessions, Mr. Nguyen Duc Manh (27 years old), currently a freelancer in Hanoi, said that in addition to useful knowledge about the educational process, the female expert has many outdated or supplementary perspectives. For example, grouping "homosexuality" with the use of banned substances as in the poster can create pressure and hurt children in the LGBT+ community, and cause parents to misunderstand and lead to prohibitions.
LGBT+ youth participate in the annual community event “BUBU Town 2018” organized by iSEE Institute in Hanoi
"In addition, whether a child is male or female, whining is a completely normal instinct, possibly stemming from the fact that they cannot fully express their emotions in the language of adults. At this time, parents should try to understand, actively communicate with their children and teach them how to behave, not worry about gender. Parents also need to see same-sex love as opposite-sex love in puberty, where children need to be equipped with enough knowledge to ensure both psychological and physical safety," said Mr. Manh.
Unscientific view?
From a professional perspective, Mr. Dang Khanh An, co-founder of Touching Soul Center, professional consultant of TestSGN Clinic, clinical psychologist at Ho Chi Minh City University of Medicine and Pharmacy Hospital, assessed the course "training masculinity for boys" as a form of sex education thinking based on the male-female binary system, that is, based on biological sex factors.
"Educating children in this direction is contrary to the science of sexuality and comprehensive sex education as recommended by major educational organizations around the world, especially the United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF)," said Mr. An.
According to experts, the binary division has created serious gender inequality, and men themselves are victims of the stereotypes that society expects. For example, many men are overwhelmed with the expectations or responsibilities that are entrusted to them, sometimes they do not allow themselves to fail or when in difficulty, they do not dare to seek resources for help because they fear that it is a sign of weakness and unmanly.
Clinical psychologist Dang Khanh An
"Current sex science has recognized that sexuality is a flexible spectrum that can change over time and how one expresses one's sexuality is each person's choice. Therefore, the current sex education process needs to focus on core life values to help us build a harmonious, empathetic world rather than distinguishing and comparing each other based on each individual characteristic or gender expression," Mr. An shared.
According to Mr. An, associating homosexuality with illegal substances is a lame, unscientific comparison that risks increasing stigma and discrimination. Children being educated in this way can cause them to misunderstand the concepts of sexuality and gender expression, thereby making it difficult for them to experience sexuality for themselves and losing the opportunity to properly understand their sexuality.
"Classes that follow this educational approach are often aimed at parents who are worried that their children are 'not masculine enough', or suspect that their children are gay. This will increase pressure on children, reinforce feelings of inferiority and dissatisfaction with themselves, and reinforce the binary gender stereotype of male and female, which is the premise for children's future problems in relating to others in today's gender-diverse society," said Mr. An.
Students participate in competition for the LGBT+ community
Psychologists also note that some transgender children may exhibit behaviors from a very early age through choosing games, costumes, or imitating the behavior of the opposite gender. However, families and caregivers also lack much knowledge in this area, so they often have inappropriate interactions with children such as extreme punishment or prohibition.
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