9 things parents expect that hurt their children

GĐXH - Expecting too much from your child can make it difficult for both parents and children...

To build relationships and foster trust with teens, adults must make sure they are capable of doing so before making requests.

It's perfectly normal to have lowered expectations. This doesn't mean that either the parent or the child is a failure in any way.

In fact, lowering expectations can help a bond grow stronger than ever.

Here are nine things parents should stop expecting:

1. Expect your child to study at the school of your choice

As a parent, before choosing a field of study for your child(ren), you should try to consider your child's choice first.

Their passions and talents should be carefully evaluated and never interfered with because children can easily get distracted whenever forced to learn something other than their passion.

9 điều cha mẹ kỳ vọng khiến con tổn thương- Ảnh 1. — Their passions and talents should be carefully evaluated and parents should never interfere. Illustration photo

2. Expect your child to get perfect scores

Those 9s and 10s, and those first and second place finishes? That's great, but don't let those 7s and 8s become a source of disappointment for your child because they didn't meet your expectations.

Look at your child's efforts. Don't expect perfection. They deserve better.

According to The Washington Post, perfectionism is caused by many factors, not just parents.

Since the early 2000s, young people have described pressure to perform flawlessly in all areas, in schoolwork, sports, activities, and appearance.

Social media has raised the bar in teenagers' pursuit of perfection.

3. Expect your child not to spend money unnecessarily

Children need to be taught how to spend and save money through activities in life.

There are items that adults think are useless and useless, but children are extremely excited about.

A snack with friends, a toy or a shirt your child likes, your child can absolutely save up to buy them.

Of course, parents will give advice when they see that the item is not suitable for purchase. However, do not forbid it, but let the child realize it for himself instead of preventing it.

When parents give their children pocket money, it becomes a common asset. Children have the right to decide what to buy and how to use it under their parents' advice.

This spending can be helpful for a child when they spend money on meaningless things and then feel regretful.

This way they will learn to control their spending and distinguish between immediate pleasures and truly important needs and wants.

4. Expect your child to act like an adult

Indeed, families teach children proper manners and teenagers still practice them, just not as much as you would like.

But please sympathize with your children, who are in puberty.

Yes, kids this age often look more like adults, but they're not quite grown up yet. Let your kids be kids while they can.

5. Expect your child to do what you think is right

Many parents think that adults are experienced, they know perfectly what is good and what is not, so children are forced to follow and are not allowed to argue back.

But this is completely wrong. Not allowing children to debate means taking away their personal freedom of speech.

Children who are not allowed to express their opinions will feel inhibited and think that their parents do not understand them.

Listen to your child, let them open their hearts and acknowledge what they have shared. From there, parents and children need to sit down together and come up with a better direction instead of arguing and having conflicts.

Through each debate, both parents and children will understand and learn more.

9 điều cha mẹ kỳ vọng khiến con tổn thương- Ảnh 2. — Many parents think that as experienced adults, they know perfectly what is good and what is not, so children are forced to follow and are not allowed to argue back. Illustration photo

6. Expect your child to tell you everything.

When I was little, every time school was over, I would be eager to go home and tell my parents what happened at school that day.

As children grow older, that feeling begins to fade. In adolescence, it is almost nonexistent. Young people are at an age when privacy is essential.

The Center for Parenting Education (USA) said that there are two common mistakes that parents often make:

- One is to let go of supervision too soon before children are ready to take responsibility for their actions. For example, parents do not check their teens' social media posts when they are in middle school.

- The second mistake is over-controlling. For example, insisting on reading all of your child's writing.

7. Expect your child not to do anything too naive.

Psychologists say that children are tending to grow up too quickly.

This is not surprising, really, when children are in a world where they constantly hear things like “you are not a kid anymore”, “isn't what you are doing too childish?” or “when will you grow up?” from their parents.

Children will not have the natural mental development because someone's instructions are as easy as clicking a mouse – then they can pretend to be adults, but they will not be prepared for the difficulties that adulthood will encounter.

If your child still has their childish personality and childhood interests, there is no reason to force them to give these up. Let your child develop at their own pace.

8. Expecting your child to be perfect

There is a lot of pressure when parents look at social media and compare what their kids are doing to other kids.

The uncomfortable truth is that people rarely share bad things about their children on their social media. So the news you see about most other people's kids is amazing.

Which parent doesn’t like to brag and be proud of their child? So the story isn’t always positive, you’re just seeing the tip of the iceberg.