GĐXH - It is not difficult to adjust the relationship with your in-laws if you know the following ways.
When you get married, you not only marry your other half, but you also marry their family.
You may be madly in love with your spouse, but that doesn't mean you'll feel the same way about their parents. In fact, it's quite common to clash with your in-laws from time to time.
But having a bad relationship with your mother-in-law or father-in-law doesn't mean your marriage is doomed.
With a little patience and understanding, you can learn to navigate and build a healthy relationship with your in-laws even if you don't truly love them.
You may be madly in love with your partner, but that doesn't mean you'll feel the same way about their parents. Illustration photo
Here are some tips on what to do to build a better relationship with your in-laws.
1. Need to let your husband understand what is happening
You can just say something tactful like: "I don't feel as comfortable around your mom as I do with mine."
Emphasize that he may feel that way about your parents. Try to make him understand that it is just the closeness you feel towards your relatives.
However, if your mother-in-law is doing something that hurts your feelings (and perhaps on purpose), the situation becomes even more sensitive. In this case, you need to let your husband know what is going on.
Remember that the best time to do this is when you're calm. You might say something like, "I don't want to make things difficult for you, but I want you to pay attention to how Mom treats me the next time you visit. I don't want to fight about this, but I think Mom often says hurtful things to me."
First, he probably won't remember. Your husband would never think his wonderful mother could hurt her son's wife.
Therefore, you need to let him "witness" real behaviors to understand the competitive element in the mother-in-law - daughter-in-law relationship.
Once he has been alerted to the possibility, you need to set the tone. Let him notice any harsh behavior, attitudes, or words she says to you when all three of you are present. Then he can determine how harsh his mother's behavior is and support you when necessary.
However, whatever you do, try not to let a fight break out between you and your mother-in-law.
Let your husband see that his wife is more mature, more assertive, and that she sees her mother in a more realistic light. Then he will find a way to reconcile the conflict between her and his mother.
2. Be tactful in expressing your views on private space
You and your husband need to have private personal space, such as a private house or room depending on the economic conditions of each family, and your in-laws must respect this so that your relationship can be maintained in a healthy way.
Sanam Hafeez, a New York-based neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind, says you need to be tactful in expressing your views and showing them that you need privacy in your living space as a couple.
This sharing is necessary, as parents may have different views than you. This helps parents understand when to go to their child's house and when to/not to go into their child's room.
3. Avoid sensitive topics with your in-laws
There are a number of topics that are likely to cause conflict between you and your in-laws. Whether it's politics, religion, or parenting styles.
It's best to avoid these topics altogether. If you can't avoid them, then be respectful and try to see things from their perspective.
If you have disagreements, try to discuss them calmly and respectfully. Avoid criticizing them publicly, this will only make things worse.
4. Share with your in-laws about your schedule and the nature of your work.
It's important to share with your in-laws about your schedule and the nature of your work, says family therapist Jennifer Kelman.
If you don't clarify this information, your in-laws may call multiple times a day or ask you for things you can't fulfill.
This is a boundary that many people have difficulty sharing specifically, but is essential, Kelman explains.
For example, if grandparents in the countryside often call to check on their children at 7pm - when you are busy cooking after a day of work, you should tactfully tell your husband to share with his parents, helping to establish a "time boundary" so that they do not call at inappropriate times.
Family therapist Jennifer Kelman shares that it is important to share with your in-laws about your schedule and the nature of your work. Illustration photo
5. Don't hold grudges
There will be times when your in-laws say or do things that hurt you. But it is important not to take it personally because they may not have meant to hurt you.
Avoid getting your in-laws involved in problems between you and your spouse.
According to experts, you should set specific boundaries to avoid getting your in-laws involved in problems between you and your spouse.
They should not be a part of your disagreements, especially when they are likely to favor your child.
According to Kelman, if you find that your in-laws are trying to interfere in issues between the two of you, don't stay silent.
Setting these boundaries is important, especially early on rather than letting your parents interfere in your personal matters from the start.
Of course, you need to find a way to express yourself tactfully, instead of saying stressful words to your parents.
For example, you might share: "I know you love us, but it's important that we work things out together without needing anyone else's opinion."
6. Accept your in-laws as they are.
Your in-laws will never change, so it's important that you accept them for who they are.
Trying to change them will only cause stress and conflict, so instead, focus on accepting them and building a relationship with them that benefits both of you.
7. Clearly share your personal interests with your in-laws.
Psychotherapist Kaytee Gillis says you should be open with your parents about personal preferences, such as diet, exercise, and parenting.
If you don't like pets or vice versa, love dogs and cats, don't hesitate to share with them to be listened to and respected.
8. Spend time with them
It can be difficult to spend time with your in-laws. Instead, find activities that both you and your in-laws enjoy, which can help build a stronger relationship between you.
It could be anything from taking a walk, playing cards to watching a movie together.
However, if you find it difficult to spend long periods of time with your in-laws, try spending time with them in small doses. Start with short visits and increase over time.
9. Set financial boundaries
Seeking financial support from parents may be a starting point for many young couples, but be careful about letting your in-laws get too involved.
Money issues can often be stressful, says Hafeez. It’s important to discuss topics like loans, financial aid levels, or involvement in major financial decisions with your parents.
Be transparent about your expectations and limits, and set boundaries that align with the financial goals and values you and your partner set.
Kelman says you should set clear boundaries, rather than accepting money from your parents and having to follow their rules when you don't want to.
Source: https://giadinh.suckhoedoisong.vn/9-ways-to-adjust-your-relationship-when-you-don't-like-your-husband-and-wife-172250205101947504.htm
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